Mind the Gaps

Horrible week. Ok, maybe not horrible, but frustrating and difficult and too, too real. Going back to work after a teacher's summer is tough. Going back no longer a teacher but a teaching assistant is tougher. I hoped things had improved in my 3 years away, but I was handed busy-work that needed to be redone or undone because no one planned or liaised for our return 2 days before the teachers and I was allotted 7 duties a week when the teachers have 2, so not much has changed. Things will ease and working with the kids is always the best part, but coming back was a big bump into reality.

To poetry . . . I didn't write any this week, I was too exhausted each evening. I only lasted an hour at my writing group last night, as I was falling asleep during discussion. 

I did start listening to Poetry Unbound again, since I didn't have my daughter in the car to complain. Such a intentional way to begin and end, to ease the mind in and out of difficult days. Though I wish there was a way to know which episodes I've listened to.  I don't listen regularly enough to keep up, so I often listen to a season over a week like this one.  I don't mind hearing them a second time (sometimes more if I really like the poem) but I can't tell which ones I haven't heard at all and it's too hard to choose or change at stoplights. I did enjoy the recent conversation with Fady Joudah.

I started a poem last weekend before the crazy began, about Ithaka. Yes, I saw The Odyssey with my kids during my last week of summer holiday. It was enjoyable, for a Hollywood, modern adaptation, though I am leaning towards Emily Wilson's take. I need to look at her translation. I'm not going to join the debate though. At least, I wasn't angry with it like the recent Frankenstein adaptation. 

What I liked about it that I could talk to my older kids about it in terms of the original story. My older daughter is obsessed with Greek myths and Epic: The Musical which she shared with me afterwards. I'm not a musical person, but again it is a fun entry point into the story. My younger son hasn't read the poem but he has seen Epic and knows the original story pretty well from his own research. So we could discuss and debate; the lack of gods and sex, the choice of actors, the role of women in the film and other things. I remember loving Bulfinch's Mythology when I was a kid (another book for the rereading list) and having long discussions with my mother about different myths, so it is nice to be able to continue the tradition. 

It also got me thinking back to my time living in Greece, back in 1995-6. I remember being told as I sat on a beachside cafe somewhere near Messalonghi that the smear of island in the distance was Ithaka, (Ιθάκη) Odysseus' home. And that a poet, Byron, had died on a beach nearby. I have recently scanned some old photos from my time there and they are few and far between due to only having a basic, cheap camera. So I wasn't sure about the reliability of my memory which is always patchy.

I had been driving around the countryside all day with my then partner and one of my student's father as his daughter took an English language exam that I had been prepping her for all year. He didn't speak English and I hadn't been able to pick up much Greek. The alphabet didn't confuse my partner as it had me, so he was able to chat a bit while I rattled along in the truck beside them. 

I didn't know the word for it then, but this trip was an example of xenia (ξενία), Zeus' law as Nolan annoyingly calls it, offering hospitality to strangers. I didn't need to be there as there was nothing I could really do after the father dropped his daughter off at the exam, my partner even less so. But the father had decided we needed to see the area, stopping at little farms in the middle of the countryside where an old woman gave us a mystery soup that we spent ages trying to find the translation for. It didn't taste very nice to us, but we ate it all with lots of thank yous. Eventually, the father said stomachi (στομάχι) and we realised the strange things floating in it was tripe. My stomach burbled and was unhappy the rest of the trip, but other people gave us eggs to take home and cherries as we stopped and were shown off as foreign teachers. 

Eventually, we ended up at this cafe, eating tiny fried fish. I remember looking at Ithaka, thinking of poets, English exams and strange kindnesses, feeling just on the edge of something. 

I was young, but at 25 I felt I should have my life's plan sorted. I had spent the year teaching English and writing my master's thesis in a cold, beachside flat with no books or any support for my research. My visa was in a Greek bureaucracy limbo and I was certain we would have to leave soon. I didn't know where I was going next and was deeply frightened by the emptiness in front of me. Ithaka seemed another dream I couldn't reach.

I went back to my journal from this time and the trip was barely mentioned. The tripe soup was there and became an important anecdote for years, my worries about a jobless future were there, but Ithaka and Byron were absent. 

It sometimes feels I wrote about so little back then or missed important events, even though I've kept journals since I was 11. But it's only with hindsight I know where the turning points were. I had to look at maps and Wiki to prove to myself it could have been possible. 

It's there off the coast, just visible and Byron did die there, but maybe the connection and importance is more firmly grounded in my own mythology that I have built over the decades than in actuality. Navigating the gaps between memory and reality. 

Something to explore in my poem, I guess, which I hope to give a bit of energy to this weekend. I have another recent piece that also explores this uncertainty between whether a memory is real, a mishmash of several experiences or just a cool idea. Benefits of a dodgy memory, interesting poetry fodder. 

Enjoy the weekend. 

Do I Continue to Feed the Beast?

Aghh, I've lost two days of my holiday because I've had to change roles at work. This year I get to look forward to more hours, more busy work, less pay and a multitude of hoops to jump through to prove I can do the job I had been doing for the past three years because I didn't take a straight forward path to teaching. I have a day and a half to not think about all that, tomorrow evening will be scooping together everything I need to go back to work and prepare for my course, so today I'm going elsewhere with my thoughts.

Last weekend I went on a writers' retreat with some friends my writing group. Well, writers' retreat is a loose label. We went to a summer cottage in the Turku archipelago, in the west of Finland. This was our fourth year of having a Helsinki Writers Group retreat since Covid, though we missed the last two years, I think, due to low numbers. It's hard to organise 6 or more people to do anything together, but totally worth it when we manage. 

We did a few writing things, had writing related talks and did writing prompts. I did a lot of journaling, but mostly we just hung out and did Finnish summer cottage things: picked berries and mushrooms, walked in the woods, sauna'd and jumped in the sea, drank a bit, played some games and ate a lot of food. All in all, a lovely relaxing weekend, except for the long drive. 

Forest walk. 

One of the presentations from a lovely writer that works in IT was on AI witch hunts for writers: how to recognise AI writing (most of which they have already found ways around) and avoid our writing being mistaken for AI. How is this even a problem?! 

But I know it is, it's a debate that has popped up around the edges of this blog. I have started posting this blog on Substack as well as Blogger and Substack has recently introduced an AI checker for posts, via Pangram. I don't think posters can opt out of this as it's supposedly to protect the reader from believing AI slosh is human-generated. (Maybe you can, I'm still trying to read the instructions.) I'm not sure how often it happens with writing, but I do see a lot of AI-generated images everywhere. It's sad that on a site for writers and creatives, posters are so hungry for likes and subscribers that they would use AI at all, but I guess they do. 

I've been trying to ignore it, but it's making me reconsider whether I want to post this also on Substack because I fear this checker will be feeding my work directly into Pangram's LLM AI. I don't want to help train AI to write more like a person. (Checking this before posting - Substack says it doesn't use the detector to train AI and that it offers a block from external training models. Why do I not feel reassured?)

When I voiced this concern, my friend pointed out that my writing was probably being gobbled up in other ways. They are finding countless ways at consuming as much raw data as they can, possibly even scanning copies of last available hardcopies of books and then shredding them. Maybe this is just scaremongering, but with AI nothing feels implausible, just a warning.

This is where we are at, in my lifetime we've gone from the excitement of Pong and writing simple 001 code commands to AI writing our stories and poems and faking photographs of sunsets to make someone money through little digital hearts. We have to prove that we are writing our thoughts ourselves, that we were the one behind the camera or the pen.

The easy answer is don't post online and again I'm left to wonder why I do. Why do I like seeing the finished post, why do I check my stats to see if anyone is reading? I couldn't tell you how many subscribers I have (hello out there, if there are any), I don't charge to read my posts, but I'm not immune to the dopamine rush from being published, from being read. 

So for that moment of chemical pride, do I have to just accept that AI is reading this and eating it up in its greedy digital maw to regurgitate my meandering human style at some later date, that bots are most of my visits rather than real eyes? In 2026, I guess I do. 

How long will I hesitate before I hit Publish?

. . . 

Not even an hour and some of that time was spent looking for Blogger's AI policy (doesn't seem to have one) and reading Substack's AI detector instructions and info. Sad, but here I am. 

Slow Summer Urgency

It's been a long summer of contrasts, weeks where it rains like a judgement, weeks where the heat clings and drags us down. I have course work, jobs around the house, the allotment that I'm doing. I swim in the river occasionally, write at my desk that has remained clear so far. 

The kids are on their own schedules, moving late and without urgency. Only my eldest is working at his internship. I wake with him and watch him sort his own routine. He's often back home before the others really surface. Their father says he'll take them, but rarely does, so we're just occupying ourselves. I still have a couple of weeks before I go back to work and am just meandering through the days.

I'm working on a few poems for submissions: a couple of anthologies for groups I'm in. I have joined a few free writing sessions where we sit on a silent Zoom call for an hour to write together. It's weird but effective. It's an anchor within the current of the summer and I usually write something. I still go on Sundays to the café to write.

I've started having dreams about school. The first one was a sort of nightmare, I woke at 6am in a panic that I had missed orientation and didn't know what I should be doing in my new/old role. Last night's was quieter, but still with that sense of anxiety. I was there with other teachers and couldn't type some information on my phone with my awkward thumbs. 

My technology dreams are always a sure sign of stress. I've had them my whole life, from not being able to dial old rotary phones to emails going awry on computers to struggling to find info on smart phones. Always with a sense of inadequacy. Something simple I should be able to do but just can't.

There is this edge of my awareness that time is slipping by, that I should make more of the long days. My computer sends me 'On this day' collections of my photos over the years, reminding me when I had to keep the kids busy with visits to museums, parks, zoos and the beach. 

I kind of miss filling our days with fun, forced or otherwise, but also none of us want to dive into that effort, that heat, dealing with other people. We tried camping once earlier this summer and the site was overrun with people camping for a party and I left in a strop rather than be kept awake all night again.

School will start up and I know there will be a flicker of regret for not doing more, on my own or with the kids. Friends will talk of holidays and camping, days on the beach, share photos of adventures and we've had another slow summer at home. Which I know isn't a bad thing, but the world tells us to hurry up, to do more, to seize the day and make the most of each moment, to document it and share it. 

So here it is. 

I've found myself missing fireflies this summer. I grew up in the Midwestern America and they were part of the summer ritual that I've never been able to capture again in Scotland or Finland. Sitting on the porch, just talking and watching fireflies. As kids we chased them, tried to put them in bottles, but the adults just watched them. The stories and cigarettes in the darkness, the slow unwinding at the end of the day.

Fireflies don't flicker or rush, they just float about, appearing and then going dark again, moving to their own urgency that we don't understand. And the summers seemed to last forever, lulls and sparks of excitement clumsily mixed together until we were ready to go back to the ordered world.

There's a poem in there. 

Collecting the Collections

Another long day summer and another attempt to clear the desk I bought to do my writing. It overlooks the back of the house, a stretch of lilacs and a tree that leans too close. My girls regularly take it over with their art supplies and projects. I get driven away and it becomes unusable until I clear it off again. I scraped the blobs of paint, dumped their work on their beds for them to clear, brought back my trinkets; a bog cat, a couple of Lewis chessmen, though the queen is missing. 

There is a pile of books I didn't get around reading from last summer that I probably won't make it through this summer. A bright blue canvas that demands to be finished, but I'm no artist so it stands as inspiration. It's all tidy and organised now, but it won't last. I have this weekend before the girls return and realise what a nice spot it is to work at. 

Now that I've given up (temporarily?) the thought of getting a collection published, I'm going through my 'collections' and adding back all the poems I edited out. Poems that were removed because they weren't 'good' enough, there wasn't enough space for them to be included in a realistically publishable book, they retold a story or touched on a similar theme already established or they just didn't quite make the cut. Poems I love, that tell the story I want to tell, capture the time the collection is about. Poems that deserve to be read, if only by me again. 

I've found poems in my first collection, poems in my Retired Poems and Spare Poems folders and in old versions of the collection that were lost over time and brought them together. I've printed the first set out, 160 pages. Crazy, I've forgotten so many of them. Rereading, stepping back into those moments is a wonderful way to waste a rainy afternoon. The pubs that I visited, people I've lost touch with or just lost, solo journeys I took, times before I was a partner, a mother, my youth, my inexperience. My glory days merging into real life. 

I'm boring so at the moment I just have them separated into the Scotland poems, the Finnish poems, the love poems. There are probably other exciting themes I haven't delved into yet like My Childhood. The themes are so loose which allows me to collect more poems together. I'm not looking for something sellable, just a version of how I see my life and my work. It feels like a biography or another diary. Between my journals, my writing notebooks, my poems and their drafts I write so much. I've been writing obsessively for 30+ years, and it piles up.

Oh, how I want to edit some of the ones published in my first collection. My style has changed a lot. I used to love piling on the adjectives. I probably still do, I just hope I'm more subtle. I'm making notes on the print-outs, but I'm unsure if I'll change much. I love to edit, but these feel like they should stay in my old voice. There's nothing wrong with her, she's just not me anymore. 

So I have a pile of printouts on my newly cleared desk I'm not sure what I'll do with and I'm sitting back on the couch, writing under a blanket because the temps have dropped. Best laid plans . . .

Writing for No Reward

Summer is finally here and we've finally got a decent burst of rain, so everything is greening up. 

School has been finished for a week and it's such a relief. With a summer school course I'm teaching at the end of the month and two qualification programmes I'm starting I still feel like I have so much to do, but without structure of having to get up super early and work for someone else. I set my own schedule, work at my own pace and in my own home, even in my jammies if I feel like it. Every day slows down and stretches out, but still slips by too fast. 

One week down, I try not to think about it, but it ticks deceptively quiet in my head, just below the surface of thought. What can I complete in a week? My washing machine was finally fixed after several weeks of being broken, so I've accomplished a mountain of laundry and I'm still at it. Bedding today.

I've mowed the grass, filled the veg boxes at the plot and planted out some strawberries, corn and courgettes. I've written my course contact day reflection, read the study circle article and written some notes, started writing my school backgrounds for my programmes. I've updated my course material for the summer school, had the pre-meeting with the students. I've washed a big rug which took too many tools and too much time. Two to go. Life in the fast lane.

I've written poetry; scribbled notes, half lines. I always think I need more time to write and when I have it, it suddenly seems hard to focus. But this week I sketched a poem about students finding my poetry on the internet. They've googled me which seems a waste, but  there's definitely worse things out there. The fact that they chanted lines of my poetry back at me on the last day of school as some kind of taunt just tickled me. I had to write about it. They read poetry willingly, even memorised it. That has to be something to be proud of. 

There is so little to talk about with my writing just now. My desire to write doesn't match my motivation. I've only submitted 9 times this year, halfway through the year. That is a big turnaround from when I used to try and make at least 100 submissions in a year, so I could get 100 rejections and hopefully a decent amount of acceptances. See previous post here. It worked, but required a lot of effort and time. 

Now I just fill pages, in my notebook, electronically. It's where I get the most enjoyment, but I can't help feeling I should keep trying to get published more in journals and work to get a collection out. It was my goal for decades, but now I have so much else going on and I just don't find it rewarding. I don't write to be published, don't need to be read, so why do I keep trying? 

Habit, I guess, or the vague hope that it will happen. To be honest, I barely believe that any more. I know I can get into journals, but my collections are going nowhere. Waiting for years while the publisher who accepted my collection published all his regulars and dozens of other people and just made excuses to keep me on the bottom his to-be-published list killed my hope. And the 37 rejections for my collections I've racked up in the past 5 years.

My desire to try and get published may be almost gone, but not my love of writing. So in between lesson planning, coursework, piles of laundry, mowing, feeding and negotiating with my kids, I try to write poetry. I play with words and images, I attempt to capture my moments in this world on the page. 

And I don't press publish on this blog to reach the masses or even a trickle of readers, but for myself. To see the entries sketch my thoughts across the years, to document my highs and lows, my random thoughts, my cycling through the seasons. 

I write to find my way through.

I guess that is enough for now. 

Wallowing in nostalgia is better than red tape.

I used to write letters to family, friends, lovers and pen-pals. I've kept a lot of the letters I received, but have rarely been tempted to reread them over the decades. I have lost touch with many of the people who I used to write to, others I send an occasional email or see them on social media without comment. 

I miss writing pages and pages on special stationary and then waiting for the return, seeing stamps from abroad, wondering what's changed in the weeks since I sent my letter. The wait for the postman to arrive and the disappointment when he didn't stop or left only bills. I still check the postbox daily, but I rarely get more than one thing a week. 

I'm not even sure if there is more than one delivery a week anymore in our neighbourhood. My grandfather walked his route, knew the streets, the families, their dogs. The regular postman is no longer part of the community, zipping by in a little scooter-car. Even neighbours barely talk, just a wave as we drive past. 

Not sure where I'm going with this. I'm feeling nostalgic, I guess. I've been digging through boxes of paperwork looking for my high school diploma from 35+ years ago, reading old University course catalogues, calling my old high school for copies of my transcript and speaking the the same secretary that was there all those years ago. I think she's the Registrar now, though it doesn't matter because she's still the person who knows where everything is and how it works. 

I've been digging through old essays and my dissertation, remembering how I thought, who I was then and how I got to here. In Finland, trying to remember which country I left my diploma in. A certification agency is asking if I did my GCSEs in English and Maths. I'm not sure if I can prove it, but I've done 4 degrees since then in the 1990s and now in the 2020s, two of them in English/Scottish Literature. Pretty sure I passed high school. It doesn't help that I've studied in three different countries and not in Finland which is one of the countries I'm trying to be recognised in. I'm being asked to prove what I studied, where I worked, what subjects I was a substitute teacher for. Death by jumping through paperwork hoops.

So I have these boxes of postcards and letters I've received decades ago, ticket stubs, hard copy photographs that are so badly out of focus or dark, but there was no option but to keep them as they may have been the only record of an event. My analog past I can't bear to throw out. I've been scanning some of them to print in photobooks. I love the accidental finger, the overexposed blanch. That's who I was, I barely remember her. 

In the midst of this paperwork bog, I'm trying to write poetry about happiness and where I find it. Finland has been voted happiest country again and my writing group has decided the theme for our next anthology will be 'happy places'. So with war everywhere, job insecurity, my kids growing up and a lack of happiness where I am, I'm looking backwards, trying to remember what happiness looks like. 

Why is Finland so happy? They certainly don't show it. Is it low expectations, contentment, feeling safe, having what they need? Do they inwardly hold their joy and elation until the surveyor comes around? No one has ever asked me in the nearly 16 years I've been here. 

I'm sure I could look up the questions they ask for the survey on the interweb, but I'd rather not know. I like to think under their stoic surface, the Finns are dancing with joy, not just surety. That it bubbles up and leaks out when they least expect it. Not when they're drunk at Vappu or jumping into a freezing lake, but when someone asks on a busy street on a dark mid-winter day as they're trudging off to work on their life-sucking screens. 

I'm hoping I can unearth it myself again. Coming out of winter helps, the return of the sun and the earth warming for growth. 

Happy vernal equinox. Happy spring!

Sweeping Away the Last Clutter of 2025

I've just been sorting through my mess of admin, how I keep track of submissions, what poems I've written, where they've been published. This mostly consists of trying to organise and rearrange a file full of columns and poem and magazine names. It's not even a proper spreadsheet as that would make too much sense to my cluttered mind. I've hurt my knee again so sorting through this and the rugby are a good excuse to sit on the couch and rest it.

In the midst of copying and pasting, moving things around, I realised I never posted my stats for 2025. Not that anyone but me cares. 

This year I even have been wondering why I keep trying. I've lost my enthusiasm for all things writing, except the actual writing. I've barely tried to get published, picking publications and press that I have a connection with or that I really want to get into, mostly through sheer bloody-mindedness of getting rejections year after year. I'm determined that eventually I'll find one they like. 

My poetry collection that was accepted in 2019, and delayed and delayed, will never be published, at least by that press as it is closing this year. The editor had long gone silent to my queries, so I stopped trying. I continue to occasionally send out that collection and my others to different editors, more out of habit than with any hope. 

Mostly now, I think of my collections as a record of my life and thoughts that will never really be shared until I'm gone, like my writing notebooks and my diaries, just a bit more thematically organised. And the thought of not publishing them doesn't really bother me. 

So to my stats: in 2025 I submitted to 24 journals and 5 book publishers last year, much lower than previously. I used to have a goal of 100 submissions in a year, but that has been steadily dropping the past few years. I had 8 acceptances in magazines only and was declined by 27 magazine and 4 book publishers. Some of these were submitted in 2024 which explains the discrepancy in numbers. So if I've done my maths right that's a 28% acceptance rate. Not bad for such a small amount of submissions. 

I've also had 12 journals or anthologies publish my work in 2025, totaling in 27 poems. Again some roll-over from previous years' acceptances. This and my acceptance rate are about average for the past few years, even though I've submitted less.

Thanks to Hillfire Press, City of Poets, Helsinki Writers, Sixty Odd Poets, Hame-ish, The Brussels Review, Clarion Poetry, The Storms, Pushing Out the Boat, The Belfast Review and Broken Spine for publishing my work. I really appreciate all the hard work the editors, staff and volunteers put in to create their anthologies and journals. 

On the non-submission front: I wrote or finished 73 poems in 2025 which is higher than average for me, as most were written for a specific collection that will probably never be published. I've had an urge to write unusual love poems, so I've just gone with it. I think it's complete, but as is my way, I will continue to tinker with it for a long while yet.

My new writing practice routines means I'm writing regularly, even if only just a few notes or scribbles. I try and draft out at least one poem a week, not necessarily a good one, but it's a nice feeling on Sunday to have something typed into my drafts file. 

I was recently in Scotland to get out of the snow and cold and this was my view every morning to write. A slow start as my kids slept in was perfect. I think it matches my acceptance of not being focused on publishing so much. I've gone back to the process, what I love about writing, the slow accumulation of ideas, words on the page. 

I don't even really share much of my work with my writing group anymore. My poems this year have felt more personal, a bit exposed, so not submitting them to scrutiny of my writing group and editors seems right. I'm not sure if they're suffering for it, being too caught up in my head as my poems often are, but that's where I'm living currently, so again, it seems right. 

Maybe it's the menopausal, Gen X not-giving-a-fuck attitude that has seeped into my writing life, but here I am, just writing. There's so much else to focus and stress over that I'm content with having just that be simple and for me.

I hope spring is coming to you soon. We're still buried in a half-meter of snow here. 

AI Trigger Warning

A member of my writing group asked last night what we would think about them bringing a story that AI had translated for them. I have to admit my gut clenched and I immediately voiced my negative opinion. 

But I get it. As an international group, most of our writers have English as a second or third language, but we ask that everything shared with the group be mainly written in English. It is difficult to write comfortably in a language that is not your mother tongue. I use translation software regularly just to get through my daily life in a country where I don't speak the language well. I use spell check in my own writing as a backup for my own skills. I have however tried to turn off all the AI add-ons with my word processing software, emails and other apps, regularly write -ai when doing a search on the internet. I am very aware it still invades every part of my online life.

The thought of AI working its way into a group that is focused on the craft of writing scared and upset me a bit. 

I work with middle-school students and the reliance on AI to help them learn from both the students, teachers and administrators scares me. I constantly have kids asking me why they need to learn Maths or other subjects when they can just ask their phones to do it for them. I'm running out of answers. 

While our admin is telling us to use AI to do lesson planning, the school has banned phones and have had to find various ways to lock down the tablets the lower and middle school students use from going to sites that gather data. GDPR is the law in Europe. Teachers are having to find ways around kids using AI to do their work for them, going back to paper and pencil in many cases. I see the results of children growing up with the internet and AI, students without learning needs being unable to tell time on an analog clock, remember basic times tables and maths skills, unable to spell or to trust their own abilities to write a paragraph, to analyse a poem. 

Non-native speakers are taking longer to learn English because they rely on translation software for both reading and writing. I've seen student write a whole paragraph or more in their mother tongue and then paste the translation into an assignment and insist they had written it themselves. They no longer see the line between themselves and the software. 

But this is about creation and crafting. The writer had written the story themselves in their mother tongue, but wanted to share an English version for the group's feedback. As the conversation advanced they said they had translated the story first themselves, then asked AI to translate it too and then compared them. They said they were very similar. They then asked the AI to mark areas where it didn't appear in native English and then merged the two versions to improve the English. The line gets blurrier and blurrier. Did they write the English version, did they translate it?

I said I'd rather see the writer's original translation and we could support them in terms of highlighting areas that could be improved to native English usage. I said ideally I'd prefer what I say to my English learner students, use software to translate the occasional word or phrase, but try to write/translate it yourself. Use the language you have. That's learning the craft of writing; sculpting the story, the poem from the writer's own imagination and skills.  

It opened an interesting discussion. We have a lot of tech people in the group who had various opinions on AI. We discussed how using AI feeds the big LLMs, how companies had used writers' work to teach AI without permission and ways we use AI to support our writing. We also wondered about the future. Is this like the Industrial Revolution where we just find a way to implement a version of AI into our lives to improve them or would there be a backlash as we see it is harmful or will we welcome our robot overlords with open arms? I know I will be one of the first up against the wall. 

The group probably needs to come up with a policy of whether we would be open to reading work that had a large input from AI, in terms of creation, editing, translation or refining, but it felt too big a task last night. I asked, jokingly but not joking, for a trigger warning if AI is used, like we ask for difficult topics. The group has always been open to reading all things, but ask to know if a piece has the potential to upset people. To be honest, AI has the same affect on me. 

Do you have an opinion on AI and creative writing or translation?

Part of my students' class poem, no AI was used in its creation, though Snoopy helped a bit. 

Scottish Book Tour 2025

Every summer when I go to Scotland to work, I order an obscene amount of books from a small independent bookseller in the Scottish Borders. I try to catch up on recent Scottish book publications, but also pick a few that I've heard about over the winter. I try to focus on Scottish authors and publishes, but this year I branched out a little. Thanks you Mainstreet Books for feeding my addiction. 

I usually try to review some of the books I've bought and read, though this year I seem to be reading quite slowly so it's already 2026 and I'm just touching the bottom of the pile. So yes, this is another 2025 book round up.

Kirsten MacQuarrie's book Remember the Rowan published by Red Squirrel Press was unexpected. I'd heard of the book Ring of Bright Water, but knew nothing about its author Gavin Maxwell and I knew of the poet Kathleen Raine and had read a few poems, but her life was not something I had heard about. The book charts their volatile relationship. Raine was in love with Maxwell who was a homosexual. He became her muse for much of her poetry and she was involved with the Maxwell's first otter which was the focus of his most famous book. Remember the Rowan is a big read, well-researched and covering decades of their inspiration and arguments. I enjoyed it, it's very well written. 

The book is a real insight into the life of a woman who plays a midwife to an artist, not a muse, similar to Sylvia Beach and James Joyce, a woman who makes it possible for a man to succeed, even to the detriment of her own work and well-being. For that reason, I couldn't feel good about the story. I felt caught up in Raine's life and turmoil, so much so I wanted to take her for a drink to tell her to get out of the toxic relationship. It shows how intimate and believable a writer MacQuarrie is. 

James by Percival Everett was a book I wanted to enjoy, but I just didn't and I can't put my finger on why. It follows the character of Jim from Mark Twain's Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. We follow Jim as his escapes from slavery and goes on the run, meeting Huck. The two books overlap and Everett manages it well, creating a strong character and backstory for him, but I just didn't gel with James or his story. The story sometimes pushes at the reader to shout its message and the ending felt rushed, so I walked away feeling unsatisfied.

On the Calculation of Volume by Solvej Balle, on the other hand, blew my socks off. If I was one of those readers who underlines my favourite lines or sections, the book would be covered with ink. Though not an original idea, a character that is stuck in a loop to repeat one day over and over, it handles it in a totally unexpected way. It is a quiet study, a character who unravels herself over and over within this day and within her relationship with her husband. The language is poetic and soft, a slow dive into the character's mind, and I was hooked from the very beginning. There are currently six books in the series, four of which have been translated into English, the first shortlisted for the Booker last year. Our next trip to Scotland will include a visit to pick up the available volumes. Absolutely breathtaking. 

The Details by Ia Genberg was another Booker Prize shortlisted books by a Scandinavian female author I read last year. A stream of consciousness, a fevered telling, it unravels the character's relationships with various friends and loves over the decades. While the book is well-crafted, I just couldn't find a way into the character. We follow her through her life in intimate detail, yet I felt distanced from her. Sometimes knowing a character's every thought is too much.

Muckle Flugga by Michael Pedersen was a book I considered buying in the summer, but decided to postpone as it was too big and I already had too many. I was given it later unexpectedly and dived in. Set on an isolated lighthouse far north of mainland Scotland, it tells the story of an artist who comes to stay and gets caught up in the life of the lighthouse keeper and his son. The book rollicks and rambles over the sea and island, delighting in its nature and unpredictability. The characters deal with their own storms, young Ouse on the brink of adulthood and all the choices it offers and The Father, the lighthouse keeper, who watches all he has built start to be pulled away by the outsider Firth, an Edinburgh artist who arrives with plenty of baggage. The language is unpredictable and delightful, full of humour and bright poetry and the characters are well-crafted and engaging. The use of Scots is unobtrusive but essential to the atmosphere, bringing all the details together. A fun and engaging read.

Poyums Annaw by Len Pennie is the second poetry collection by the Scots Word of the Day internet sensation. I first stumbled upon her during our Covid lockdown where she shared a new Scots word with a hint of humour and honesty. I love her poem 'I'm not having children' and her poem about the Daft Days, but I hadn't read her first collection or her other works. Len Pennie is now an Scots language advocate, but she also has become a voice for survivors of gender-based violence after facing a lengthy court case of her own and constantly facing internet trolls on her various social media platforms. Her poems cover her own situation and fighting the patriarchy in general, mostly in Scots.  They are honest and acerbic, sometimes tinged with humour. They do not bury the punchline in metaphor, instead they often pack a mean punch. While the rhyming sometimes gets to me, I'm a free verse kind-of-gal, the poems carry the reader along without feeling they are reading literature with a capital L. They are the kind of thing you'd share with your non-poetry pals and the two poems above have been passed on to me from unexpected places. Len often shares recordings of her poetry on social media and her genuine joy of Scots and poetry are infectious. Her poems are really meant to be heard, so if you can get the audio book read by Len herself, I'm sure it's worth hearing them in the author's own voice. 

The Ghost Lake by Wendy Pratt is another memoir-type book written by someone I vaguely know. Wendy Pratt is a poet who runs workshops, offers mentoring and ran the magazine Spelt. I won a mentoring session with her a decade ago and she was a great second set of eyes on my writing. Since then she's had several collections published and now has written a memoir about her journey through grief based around a paleo-lake where she has lived her whole life, a lake that has long disappeared, but left it's mark on the landscape and her life. The history and archaeology within the book are really captivating and are used to peel back the layers of stories. Her journey to find her way in her writing career, through the grief of infertility and the loss of her daughter during her birth and her father's recent death is interwoven with the landscape and the people who have lived there. 

It's not the kind of book I would normally read as it feels a bit like voyeurism, but here the reader is being invited closer to actually walk amongst the story, picking up a shell or stone with the author to connect. Wendy has always been very open about her struggles, on her blog and in her writing. The book touches on a lot of topics close to her heart: rural life, working class struggles, neurodiversity and grief. It shares the overwhelming weight she carries and the chinks of light she has followed to stand above it all, if only for moments. It's a touching tribute to the area and the people who have helped her on her way. 

Fower Pessoas by Colin Bramwell is a book I've just started but already I want to scribble down so many lines. It is a Scots 'translation' of Fernando Pessoa, the Portuguese poet known for his heteronyms, alternative personalities that he took on to write his poems. There are so many layers upon layers within this book, Bramwell to Pessoa to his heteronyms, Scots to English to Portuguese, that I imagined it would be a difficult read. However, the poems have a friendly feel like sitting with a slightly drunk Glaswegian poet hearing their thoughts about the world. There's philosophy swirled with humour and sarcasm, insight below the mocking. I'm really enjoying it, so far. 

Though he doesn't say it in his acknowledgments, I think this is a version of subversive translations as in the poetry collection I reviewed by Taylor Strickland. Bramwell admits he doesn't speak Portuguese well and these poems are moved in time and place to modern Glasgow, the heteronyms taking on a Scots personality and language. They are responses to Pessoa and our own restless times and to Scotland's own identity, all wrapped up in its own antisyzygy. I read some Pessoa after I came back from Lisbon a few years ago, I'll have to dig them out again and remind myself of their own voices, but I'm already enjoying the use of Scots, the sense of movement and freedom of the poems. There a sense that there's no pinning them down. 

Finally a publication note for myself, first of 2026, my poetry has been included in Helsinki Writers Group's 2025 anthology. Go here to check it out. 

So goodbye 2025 and welcome 2026. I have no plans or resolutions, just keeping my eyes open to see what the year holds for me. Best of luck to us all. 

St Andrew's Day 2025

Things have been rattling on. Winter is upon us, but luckily it's been mostly rain which I can cope with. I don't mind the darkness if I'm not shovelling snow three times a day just to be able to get out my front door. 

With returning to school, I just haven't had the energy to write this blog. To be honest, I haven't felt like I've done much on the writing front to write about. I still write as regularly as I can, mostly on the weekends, but I haven't really been submitting or trying to get published. I've lost my enthusiasm for that. I can't seem to get a book published, so I just cherry-pick the magazines I want to try for and even that I barely look into. 

I missed Scotstober where I usually try to use a Scots word a day to write some poetry. I have the list of words on a post-it, but haven't even tried to use them. I need to on days when I pull them out on days when can't think of how to start my writing practice. 

The highlight of my writing year has been this week and has nothing to do with my own writing. I was invited to the St Andrew's Day Ceilidh hosted by the Scottish Government's Nordic Office, a well-kept little secret. I was invited through my connection with the Finnish Scottish Society who I help out every year with their annual Burns Supper and a ceilidh. We had no idea of what to expect, but it was the most amazing night. The guest stars were former Scotland Makar Jackie Kay and current Edinburgh Makar Michael Pedersen and the presenter and cultural commentator Ally Heather. I thought it might be a formal affair but it was far from that. 

It was introduced as a Highland lock-in with music and poetry and tons and tons of whisky which is exactly what it felt like. Ally welcomed us in and spent the evening wandering around topping up everyone's glasses. All three were delightful to talk to. The musicians and poets on stage kept it casual and fun and joined in with the drinking and chat off. My mate even had to eject a too-drunk Finn during the first session by Scotland's 2025 Young Traditional Musician Ellie Beaton. Had to happen at a Scottish event. Michael and Jackie's performance were fun and full of energy. I've read books by them both this year including Michael's amazing Muckle Flugga which is a rollercoaster of a read. And listening to him perform you understand why. I wish I had taken photos, but to be honest, I was a bit star-struck. Luckily, my friend was thinking on his feet. 

Unfortunately, the lock-in didn't happen, but we decanted to another pub down the road. I couldn't stay as long as I'd like as I had work in the morning and kids waiting at home, but it was an absolute blast. It really made me miss the Scottish literary scene I used to dip my toes into. The mild hangover I took to school the next morning was totally worth it.

The Finnish Scottish Society are my Scottish lifeline here and I was so happy to be able to actually spend some time in a drunken blether with them rather than running around peeling neeps and making pies during an event that we never get to enjoy. We need more events like this that we aren't organising.

On the publication side I've only a few publications since the summer. My poem 'Explode the Monstrous' has been published in The Storms and I read the poem for the accompanying poetry podcast Eat the Storms with many of the other talented contributors. And I'm very excited to have my poems included on Sixty Odd Poets which is such a fun site to explore. 

I can't promise to be any more regular with keeping this blog up during term time, but hopefully I'll manage a new post during the Christmas break. I just need to do something interesting again. 

I hope your winter isn't too dark and cold. 

A Summer Ending

Today is the last day of my holidays and I'm still in my jammies, writing with tea, playing solitaire until my head quiets. I'm blessed with a teacher's holidays in Finland, nine weeks and I have to admit I've done very little. I'll probably feel guilty when I go back to the staff room tomorrow and colleagues ask me what my kids and I did over the break, but there's no changing anything now.

I was selfish and needed to do nothing, couldn't really afford big trips, but didn't even make small ones around the area as I always plan to. Take a boat to Tallinn or Stockholm or go to Turku where I've never been. We didn't even go camping. We stayed at home, visited a couple of beaches, went to a few museums. They spent time with friends who were still around.

Yesterday though, we went to one of the few places in Finland I feel at ease. Just a river and a lake it feeds into. Neither very spectacular or busy, no cafe nearby for ice cream. Just an outhouse toilet and a changing room at the sauna. We can't light fires, nothing interesting, but I didn't even have to fight the kids to get them there. Ususally there's the back lash at turning off the screens, breaking the lack of routine. But they have good memories of the place as well, so we willing to just pack up and go. 

My daughter took her portable paint kit, I took my notebook. We took snacks and lots of towels. The car doesn't have air conditioning, so the windows were open the whole trip. We arrived windblown and sweaty, but everyone was smiling within minutes. The kids forgot whatever niggles they have with each other and threw themselves into the river, talked about music, painted and splashed. We went too late and the sun rolled behind the trees, but we jumped off the diving board and stayed long enough. It's what I needed to finish the summer. 

Today I'm doing laundry and charging my school laptop, chasing up last emails. The kids are back on their devices though I woke them that bit earlier in preparation for next week. I'm sure they'll feel jealous of their friends trips abroad, but I hope they remember the days where we splashed in the woods, ate ice cream, saw snakes and tortoises, cooked sausages and realise it wasn't such a bad summer.

Diving off that board into the lake is a reoccurring image in my poems, like watching the barnacle geese leave in autumn or the first anemones that appear in the forest. I write about them over and over in different variations, trying to capture something that can't quite be put in words. Moments that mean more than just the passing of the seasons, though they carry that weight as well, the years sliding by much too fast. 

Stepping off that creaking board with no glasses and a fear of heights always feels momentous. I don't really like swimming. I feel wobbly and uncertain high above the deep, black water, but desperately want to jump in. Water that changes around me, cold to cool to warm, golden to green to clear as I surface. Water that changes me somehow, every summer. So I keep going back, revisiting it in poems and pictures, expecting nothing new, but finding it as I step off that edge and resurface. 

I enjoy my job and will get back into the swing of things soon enough, but now I don't want summer to end. 

The Blank Page

Less than a month left of my summer holidays and I've been thinking about the blank page . . .

I don't fear it, I fill it with nonsense mostly. Words I collect as I walk and scroll through my day: heavy-hitter verbs, pretty images, notes to myself of where I am and what I need to focus on. 

I write in cafes, on buses, on my couch, sometimes in my phone but mostly on my laptop or notebook. I have files on both the computer and phone that I add notes to, so I don't lose them while doing other things. I've even tried voice notes on my phone when I'm driving alone, but I don't like that medium as well. 

I borrow words or phrases from articles I'm reading, what's going on out the window, the things my kids say:

The ice cream I ate drunk in the rain, being woken by ravens, solstice, imprecision, fears that I'm stuck, losing time, erasure, the poem locked in my brain, a firm handshake, ripe to rotten, runes of birch, flirt in the corner, inherit. 

When nothing clicks I wander again through the pages to find phrases that spark. I restitch them, take the out-of-context further removed. Find connections between my days, the words that caught my eyes. Someday all I do is note and reorganise, but nothing comes together. The next day I start again. 

It's reassuringly simple, no expectation to write a poem or say anything coherent. I can just write and when something starts to gel I'm able to work with it because I'm present, I'm already there at the page. 

I've taken a week to write this post, wandered away for a while. Of the lines I lifted from my notebook above flirt in the corner has become part of a poem. As soon as I wrote it here I saw its potential, the direction is was leaning towards and I followed it. The rest have moved about or become compost on the page, layers that might eventually produce something useful. 

In that week I've written a little every day, maybe a page or just half a dozen lines, but I've only written one poem. And that feels about right. My inspiration of earlier in the year is fading, still there, but it feels gone over too often, I'm too aware of its curves, its voice. I still find comfort in it, but it isn't bursting over me with feelings and ideas, phrases that speak for me. So slowing down with my writing and changing focus is to be expected. 

As the summer break winds down, I'm trying to make the most of the quiet days so I don't feel like I've wasted the writing time I've been gifted. I'm enjoying my play with small details even if I have little to show for it.

Take care.

Midsummer

It's midsummer, when Finnish people turn away from the cities and towards the water and the forest, relax and be themselves. As much as I don't usually like summer, the heat, the beaches, etc, it's the season I like in Finland most of all. Mainly because the rest of the time is the long winter or the lead up to it.  

The weather has finally started to warm up to summer level, over 20C, which makes going to the water bearable. The river is still cold, but it's warm enough to manage a dip. Lakes are better. I won't even attempt the sea this early on. The kids are struggling to get into summer mode, all their friends having left for holidays. We don't have a summer cottage so we're just hanging about the city, doing small things just to slowly immerse ourselves. 

I'm still on my go-slow summer, writing in the morning, working on the house or garden or doing something with the kids in the afternoon. Summer is fresh fruit and thunderstorms, always having dirt under my fingernails no matter how hard I scrub and the window open at night. It's ice cream and sleeping in, museums and cafes, it's writing when I want. Long days, nights without boundaries. I don't want it to end, but I have my summer course in Scotland soon which follows midsummer and starts the descent back into the real world. 

Just like my poems are seasonal, my pictures are. Right now I have lots of poppies and irises from my garden. A Finnish midsummer poem previously published in the Helsinki Writers Group and in Porridge. 

Yötön Yö*

The fluttering ribbon of blue
outwith my window deepens
but holds fast to the birches. 

I welcome a thirst for black cherries
bursting over my hands,
blooded with the waiting abundance.

Beyond, in a rhythm I can’t understand
bonfires blaze on the shores,
fed by a dancing wind of flowers.
The country eases back.
beneath the slow-whirl of the sky.

 

*Finnish ‘nightless night’, Juhannus, mmidsummer.

I'm still writing a bit everyday, poems and fragments. When I go to Scotland I'll do more journaling than creative writing though I hope to keep up the practice of writing everyday. I'll take a new notebook with me as my current one is almost full (the joy of notebooks!!) and write everything there, rather than take my writing notebook and my journal. 

I have ordered a pile of books from the local independent bookstore so will make a short trip there to collect them and hopefully we'll look around some when the group goes to Edinburgh, so I'm looking forward to that. I'm trying not to pack to much so I can fill my suitcase with books on the way back. I'll try to do a review of my purchases when I come back - my Scottish Book Tour review. I always try to buy some Scottish books, though I end up with a very full mixed bag. 

It's been raining quite heavily the past few days (it always takes me a while to write these blogs). Getting me ready for Scotland, I guess. I can't wait. Though it's pretty intense to take a bunch of kids to another country, they are old enough to be pretty responsible and I get to teach about Scottish culture, history and literature, so I always enjoy it. So it's not quite my regular teaching job. There's still a bit of time before I have to think about that. 

Make the most of the summer, rain or shine. Enjoy. 

Lazy Days When No One is Watching

A week into full summer and the kids have been sleeping in late, having stayed up too late again. Menopause has gifted me with mornings, so I read and write all morning. In the afternoon I'll do some things that need doing, but if they don't get done I can do them tomorrow. It's a lovely feeling that I know won't last. I have my summer school trip coming up soon and then my mother is coming to visit, so I'm going to enjoy these next two lazy weeks. 

The pollen count is dropping so I've been working in the garden, mowing the grass, cutting dead branches, planting at the plot. I'm trying to make my allotment easier for my joints, so I've built lots of raised beds and am putting down bark mulch on the paths to try and keep the weeding down. I usually dig up a meter or two of the path at a time, clear the weeds, place down the fabric and the mulch. It's slow going, but I'm seeing the results. A lot of what I try to grow doesn't work or the slugs eat more than the kids and I do, but every year I dig in and plant with hope.

2020 v 2025 - hopefully a lot less digging.

My poetry is going in a similar way at the moment. I still write every day, but am producing less poems. Slow writing, slow editing and I'm barely submitting to magazines or publishers. Little or nothing to show for all my work.

I keep seeing memes about 'would you write if no one ever read your work?' That's what it feels like just now. No one really cares about my allotment, my poems or how I spend my unstructured time, but I've done it anyway. Occasionally my son will enjoy eating some courgette bread from veg I've grown or a distant editor will accept a poem and say some kind things, but for the most part they bring only me happiness. 

I'd like to get one of my collections published of course, but after waiting over 5 years after my last acceptance that was never published, I've become mellow about it. It may never happen. I may leave a trickle of poems published in journals over my lifetime, hundreds of unloved poems and a humongous pile of notebooks behind when I die. So be it.

It doesn't matter that no one is reading me, I will continue, filling my notebooks, writing my life. It gives me joy and purpose which is more than something.

Expressing Big Emotions

The day outside is beautiful, but I'm stuck inside with a pollen allergy that has moved to my chest. It is a struggle to breathe, to even put on a load of laundry, so working in my allotment will need to wait. 

This week was the final week of school. It's such a relief. The teachers are dragging themselves to the finish line of beach days, locker cleaning and class parties. And then the rush of graduation weekend. It's all done in one weekend here in Finland and my eldest son graduated from high school and my younger son from middle school. It's been a bit crazy for a bunch of introverts, so we're tired and looking forward to summer and slowing down.

I'm still writing, but haven't been able to keep up with my poem a day thing. I've done almost every day. Hopefully I will get back into the habit in June.  

My daughter asked to read some of my love poems recently. I tried to find some that were understandable and appropriate for an eleven-year-old. Not surprising that this was difficult, but what did surprise me was that they didn't feel like love poems when I read them, though when I wrote them they felt so overly emotional. 

I struggled to find one that felt a good example of how I write love poems, but I guess they all are. I don't gush or really even praise the other as there is no particular person in mind. I focus on the moment and the whirlwind of emotions I'm feeling. There is often a sense of sadness on the edges, that the flush will fade, that reality will set in. So they don't always feel like the giddy heights of love poems, but maybe the more realistic confusion of love. 

I read a few of my poems out to my daughter and while she didn't get most of them, they're maybe a bit thick linguistically and not aimed at pre-teens so she was ok with that, but it did open a nice conversation for how love is such a big emotion that it's confusing and often leaves us feeling very overwhelmed. How it's important to express how we feel even if it doesn't always make sense to others. It's part of understanding how we fit into the world. If she walked away with that sense of it's ok to express being overwhelmed however and whenever we need to, then I feel pretty good about my poems. 

Few publication notes: Hillfire Press has published three of my poems in their fourth anthology. I had a lovely online launch with them last week. The volume will soon be available. Order a copy, they need support to get it printed. 

Pushing out the Boat has also published a recent issue with one of my poems. It's a brilliant collection of English, Scots and Gaelic writing from Scotland and around the world. I can't wait to see my copy. 

The Brussels Review has also featured my poem on their website and another poem is available in their spring print edition which is also available digitally. I appreciate them publishing my work but also making it available digitally as well as in print as even getting things posted within Europe has become difficult lately. 

My writing, and a large chunk of my days once my chest clears, is shifting out into the garden, so I'm writing about grass overgrown with forget-me-nots and long summer evenings. 

Long live them both. Enjoy. 

A Collector of Scrap and Details

Summer is officially here, though we still are really only in spring in terms of where the weather and plant growth is. My tulips are just blooming, the long days mean the grass is growing at a rate of knots and the birch pollen is trying to kill me. I've started work at the allotment but can only do an hour or so before it becomes too much. Two weeks left of school, so things are starting to ease overall.  

Since the Global Poetry Writing Month finished I've been keeping up my goal of writing every day. I'm trying to put together a small collection and this has been a good way to fill gaps, though I have no idea what I want to say when I sit down everyday or what is missing within the collection. 

This is my current process. I open my journal, write the first word that jumps out at me from whatever I'm reading or looking at. Today the word is pronounced. I don't know why it caught my eye from the screen, but I just go from there. I may not even use the word as I write, but it feels like an anchor to start with. Then I glance around wherever I am or at what I'm reading, scroll Insta or read a few Substack notes and just scribble down any image, phrase or word that appeals. I have no theme or direction, I am just a collector of scraps and details at this point. 

When I have a page or two of notes, I go back and reread them. Sometimes the juxtaposition of phrases together suggests something or they take me in a particular direction. I rewrite phrases together or if nothing sings I go back and write more notes. Some days I get nothing but notes, other times I'm able to string them together into a rough draft or a few lines that I pull into another poem I'm working on. I'm enjoying the unconscious flow of my writing. I do have themes for my collection, my love and aging poems, but sometimes my brain takes me elsewhere. I've circled back for a few poems to my eternal themes of finding home and being lost as a choice, maybe they'll have a place in the collection too.  

This has been pretty much my process and how I've been able to write about 30 poems in 48 days. They may not all be good, but as I mentioned in another post, I'm currently in love with them because they're fresh and speaking from where I am right now. And even if that changes, I still feel this is an accomplishment after a very fallow winter of writing. 

I started this post this morning and it's now after dinner. It has taken me several returns to my notebook and then the computer to have the bones of a poem sketched for today. I don't want to share the whole piece, but I'll show the first stanza. I did use my word in the title. The bold are the notes I wrote in my journal. Not all of them were next to each other, so they were stitched together in this stanza.

I have been pronounced wanting

people ask me to open myself

they peer through 

just window shopping

to discover I am a fraud of dusty shelves

a returned item that didn’t suit

It's a funny little poem that goes from this to a kelpie. This writing process is producing quirky points of view I wouldn't normally take, but I like them as they fit my mood at the moment. I'm owning my awkwardness and that's part of what this poem is about, others find me wanting, but I'm becoming something different from what they see.

I took this photo at the weekend and prompted my note today I am a fraud at sunset because it wasn’t really this vivid, but my phone made it so false. My head is weird. 

We'll see where these poems end up. Right now I'm enjoying the process.