It's been a bumpy return to the real world this week. Struggles getting everyone back into routine, but luckily there was no work for me until Friday. It meant I could pop into my women's group on Thursday and catch-up. I haven't been able to attend for months because of the randomness of my job, so it was nice to have a bit of me time.
My results arrived for my language test. I passed two of the four sections, I needed three. I was gutted that I didn't pass the writing section which seemed to be my strongest skill on the day. I felt crap for a bit and then added the next sign-up date into my calendar. We'll see how I feel in a month. Then I tried to watch a Finnish language programme. I have to push on.
I'm now looking at updating my skills by taking courses. I don't think I'm going to be able to make a go as an editor here, there are too many people competing for the same kind of client, so I've decided to focus more on my teaching. It's not my dream job, but at this point in my life I have to do what's the most practical and immediate though I will try and make the most of what I need to do.
I've found an online Special Educational Needs course that I'll probably apply for. Helping my son with his needs and subbing at schools where there are so many SEN kids and not enough teachers with the training or experience to help them has really heightened my interest in this area.
I've already been trying to sort my application for a Vocational Teacher's Training course which I could use to get jobs at high school level and above, but then I talked to a friend about a course that would allow me to teach primary school to high school level at English schools which is what I'm doing as a sub, so I'm now thinking that might be better. Both of these are local, part-time and free, but highly contested so I'm going to apply for both and see what happens. I'm up to my eyeballs in applications and contacting the various universities in my life to prove I worked or studied there, writing personal statements and chasing up former supervisors for references.
I've always needed some sense of direction for my life and I think last year was mostly about me getting my feet under me so I could make that decision. So now that I have decided I feel stronger and I can take a bad blow like my test results without totally giving in. One step back isn't the end.
I haven't had much time for writing, but I've started a couple of poems that I want to work on. One is about wild skating, skating on lakes that are just frozen, from a video I saw. Yesterday I had a chance to visit such a lake, so I want to adapt the notes I've made to that experience. I wasn't skating, but the sounds the ice made are amazing, so I want to try and capture that. I'm scribbling here and there still.
I'm glad I had such a productive and positive year in 2019. 2020 is going in a different direction and while I'd still like to work on the poetry, I hopefully won't feel as bad if I can't write every day because I have a lot of poems to work on from last year and my pamphlet coming out. I just want to keep producing when I can and make the most of what work I have already done.
The Green Light Journal has published my poem 'When I Saw Her Standing There' in its latest issue, so good news keeps trickling in from my submissions. Onward.