Summer is winding down, I only have a few weeks before I go back to work. I want to just wallow in it a bit longer, enjoy the lack of routine, the untethered flow of hours. The kids need a bit more structure but fight against any attempts. We're still going to the lakes, picking blueberries, working in the garden, enjoying the slow days.
The youngest wants to go camping, but it never works out like she thinks. She wants to build a fire and eat marshmallows but forgets the rest, the forest without screens, with insects and uncomfortable sleeping bags. But she's looking forward to it, so we'll give it another try. The boys already opt-out of stuff like this, so it will probably be just us girls. The boys have decided they don't like that sort of things, though the last time they came they enjoyed it. It's funny how we rewrite memories.
I said in my last blog that I had started writing some different, fresher material. This has coincided with me going through all my poems and retiring poems that I didn't feel were strong or good enough. Most of these poems were not in one of the two or three collections I have in progress, so it was easy to just pack them away in a Retired Poems folder. I might go back in the future and have a look at them to try and refresh or reuse some of the material and I know they're still there if I want to use one or two, but it feels good to shift them out of sight.
I write a lot, see note about having three collections going, but many of the poems I write are good enough on their own, but don't work well with others or my style has changed and I just don't find them as appealing anymore. I then went through the collections and had a cull as well. I didn't take out as many poems, but I changed the direction of one book, so I did need to take about a third away. It feels liberating to pare things down, to turn towards this new direction.
I have one of those collections with a publisher, but it's been stalled for four years. In the meantime, I've rearranged and edited it over and over. It's better, certainly, but it doesn't make the wait feel any better. It's just so frustrating, not knowing when or if it will happen. I don't know if I'd be happier to have the collection the way it is, basically better, or to have it earlier, so I can move on. I sometimes feel like I'm still stuck in that place where the collection inhabits until it's published as I keep revisiting the poems as I edit. It will be nice to be free of them, in a sense. Until then it's a waiting game. A wading game as I move through the poems, just up to my ankles, occasionally plashing about.
My writing group is having its third annual retreat in two weeks. I'm looking forward to it. I have to drive, but besides that it will be just hanging out with people I like, writing, talking writing, eating and drinking, jumping in the hottub. It's a blast and I always manage to write a poem or two while I'm there. The day after we come back, I'm off to work. So that will be the end of summer, a proper send off.
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