Sweeping Away the Last Clutter of 2025

I've just been sorting through my mess of admin, how I keep track of submissions, what poems I've written, where they've been published. This mostly consists of trying to organise and rearrange a file full of columns and poem and magazine names. It's not even a proper spreadsheet as that would make too much sense to my cluttered mind. I've hurt my knee again so sorting through this and the rugby are a good excuse to sit on the couch and rest it.

In the midst of copying and pasting, moving things around, I realised I never posted my stats for 2025. Not that anyone but me cares. 

This year I even have been wondering why I keep trying. I've lost my enthusiasm for all things writing, except the actual writing. I've barely tried to get published, picking publications and press that I have a connection with or that I really want to get into, mostly through sheer bloody-mindedness of getting rejections year after year. I'm determined that eventually I'll find one they like. 

My poetry collection that was accepted in 2019, and delayed and delayed, will never be published, at least by that press as it is closing this year. The editor had long gone silent to my queries, so I stopped trying. I continue to occasionally send out that collection and my others to different editors, more out of habit than with any hope. 

Mostly now, I think of my collections as a record of my life and thoughts that will never really be shared until I'm gone, like my writing notebooks and my diaries, just a bit more thematically organised. And the thought of not publishing them doesn't really bother me. 

So to my stats: in 2025 I submitted to 24 journals and 5 book publishers last year, much lower than previously. I used to have a goal of 100 submissions in a year, but that has been steadily dropping the past few years. I had 8 acceptances in magazines only and was declined by 27 magazine and 4 book publishers. Some of these were submitted in 2024 which explains the discrepancy in numbers. So if I've done my maths right that's a 28% acceptance rate. Not bad for such a small amount of submissions. 

I've also had 12 journals or anthologies publish my work in 2025, totaling in 27 poems. Again some roll-over from previous years' acceptances. This and my acceptance rate are about average for the past few years, even though I've submitted less.

Thanks to Hillfire Press, City of Poets, Helsinki Writers, Sixty Odd Poets, Hame-ish, The Brussels Review, Clarion Poetry, The Storms, Pushing Out the Boat, The Belfast Review and Broken Spine for publishing my work. I really appreciate all the hard work the editors, staff and volunteers put in to create their anthologies and journals. 

On the non-submission front: I wrote or finished 73 poems in 2025 which is higher than average for me, as most were written for a specific collection that will probably never be published. I've had an urge to write unusual love poems, so I've just gone with it. I think it's complete, but as is my way, I will continue to tinker with it for a long while yet.

My new writing practice routines means I'm writing regularly, even if only just a few notes or scribbles. I try and draft out at least one poem a week, not necessarily a good one, but it's a nice feeling on Sunday to have something typed into my drafts file. 

I was recently in Scotland to get out of the snow and cold and this was my view every morning to write. A slow start as my kids slept in was perfect. I think it matches my acceptance of not being focused on publishing so much. I've gone back to the process, what I love about writing, the slow accumulation of ideas, words on the page. 

I don't even really share much of my work with my writing group anymore. My poems this year have felt more personal, a bit exposed, so not submitting them to scrutiny of my writing group and editors seems right. I'm not sure if they're suffering for it, being too caught up in my head as my poems often are, but that's where I'm living currently, so again, it seems right. 

Maybe it's the menopausal, Gen X not-giving-a-fuck attitude that has seeped into my writing life, but here I am, just writing. There's so much else to focus and stress over that I'm content with having just that be simple and for me.

I hope spring is coming to you soon. We're still buried in a half-meter of snow here. 

Sliding Out of 2024: End of Year Review

The dark time of the year. The snow we had is melted and the sky has been without sun for ages. We have been full of sickness and lacking motivation for most things, especially Christmas. 

I always find this time of year difficult, living away from what I consider home. The cold, the darkness, the forced jollity of Christmas. Even after 15 years, I don't feel at peace here and the holidays make it worse. 

But this is what the kids know and look forward to, so I focus on our family traditions and we make a gingerbread house and decorate the house and tree. We get out the crafts the kids made when they were wee to hang on the tree, the tatty paper tonttu (Christmas elves) and the salt dough decorations that have survived over 15 years. The run-up to Christmas is stressful, but as we don't have family here the day is pretty laid back and then we have a quiet break until we all return to school. I'm looking forward to that most of all. 

We got through Christmas and have fallen into the well of the Daft Days. I feel now the end-of-year urge to finish things off, tidy up and organise things. It probably won't happen in the house, but I can start with my poetry admin.

First of all, I'd like to thank all the publishers of journals and anthologies who have published me this year: The Banshee, From Glasgow to Saturn, Poetry Scotland, Causeway/Cabhsair, City of Poets, Dreich, Ink, Sweat and Tears, Aimsir, Dust Poetry, Hillfire Press and Helsinki Writers Group. Eleven publications which published 17 of my poems. It was a quieter year, but I still feel blessed to have my work shared by such interesting and innovative publishers.

That brings me to my end-of-year stats. In 2024:

I wrote 29 new poems.

I made 13 book submissions and 37 magazine subs. I still have about 15 submissions still out undecided.                    

I've had 11 acceptances from journals or anthologies, one as I've been writing this post.                          

But I had 16 book rejections and 31 magazine rejections.

In the end, I had 11 publications publish 17 poems.  

I had a 22% acceptance rate which isn't bad, considering all my numbers are down from my best year of 2022 where I had 28 acceptances for a 32% acceptance rate. But still better than 10% when I started counting in 2017.

I have been submitting my books more to publishers, 13 times with 16 rejections. It's frustrating that I cannot find a publisher for them. And even more frustrating that the book that was accepted in 2019 is still not published. But I'm trying to focus on the slow writing I'm doing, each tweak on a poem, each new line scribbled.  

Everything feels dark just now, but with the solstice past and the new year waiting, we know the sun will return. 

Brightening into April - GloPoWriMo

Spring in Finland. There's a sense of the mood lightening, but we've just been hit with 20cm of snow. It's supposed to warm up next week, but I'm not holding my breath. I am changing my winter tyres on Monday, so I am whispering a few words to the weather spirits to stop with the snow.

I'd forgotten it's GloPoWriMo, Global Poetry Writing Month, or NaPoWriMo, even though I've started Angela Carr's writing prompts course, A Pagan Place. I've managed to write something every day, even though I'm back to work. The course is brilliant, based around Irish mythology, but the prompts include music, other poems and stories often inspire something totally unconnected. I don't expect to continue to write every day, but I like having the prompts for the days when I do get a chance. 

In today's prompt, I especially liked this poem by Mahmoud Darwish though my writing was inspired by the Big Country song In a Big Country.  I don't usually listen to music when I write, but have been stuck on a Big Country loop today. 

My writing group Helsinki Writers has produced its first anthology of members' poetry and short fiction. We're still figuring out the technology and formats, but we're very proud of the writing. We've done other smaller activities such as writing poems for events and recording our work for and with other organisations, but this was completely our own project and, to be honest, it was difficult to organise and produce. Those who did the work were unpaid and put in a lot of hours, but we're happy with our first attempt. Please check it out. 

Another bit of writing news, my Finland-inspired poetry collection Invocation Against Winter was short-listed for the Cinnamon Press' 2025 New Voices Award. Congratulations to all the finalists and winners. I don't usually try competitions, so it was nice to be recognised. It's also encouraging since I'm still sending out my collections to poetry publishers. 

I need to go shovel my drive and soak up the bit of sun we have today. Enjoy. 

Submission Stats 2023 - Why Try?

Rather late, here's my stats for 2023.

wrote 32 new poems              
finished 2 poems from previous years                 

9 book submissions                                        
31 magazine submissions                                     

9 magazine acceptances                

10 book rejections                         
28 magazine rejections 

12 magazines published 22 poems                                                   

21% acceptance rate

Acceptances were much lower than in previous years, but it stands to reason, I submitted less work and as a result, had fewer poems accepted.

I did try to get my collections a home. I've given up on the publisher that accepted my Scottish collection back in 2019. Every year they'd send a group apology to all their unpublished poets with vague excuses and promises to publish in in the next year. I'm not even sure if I would accept if they actually said they were going to start work on the process. I have lost all faith in them. Currently, I have no other options, so I keep on submitting.

A friend in my writing group and I were discussing yesterday why we want to get books published. He writes fiction, I poetry. I accept I'll never make any money from my poetry, but he'd like to see some return. At least, not lose money trying to get his books published. He's self-published but now wants to try magazines and other publishers.

Traditional publishing has changed a lot since I worked in it. He was talking about rights, that fantasy and sci-fi writers don't have their rights protected anymore. I have no experience in fiction, but I'm not surprised. Big publishers have control of the market and little publishers just try to get by and get noticed.

In poetry publishing, it's become more and more that the poet does most of the publicity and sales. Small publishers expect you to pay for various services. Often they don't edit the collection. 

And yet, I still want to be published. To be considered part of the scene, to be considered good enough. I am published regularly enough in magazines and journals, but can't get a publisher for a collection. 

I mentioned that I'm probably not visible enough on social media and wondered if that was a possible reason. Publishers want someone who is a voice, that will sell their books through readings, on social media. I have struggled this year with posting on Twitter. I've joined Blue Sky and Mastadon (@grimalkingerry on all), but haven't gotten the hang of them. I guess that needs to be a goal this year tied into finding a publisher.

Publication news: my poem 'The Lake Swimmer' has been published in Alternating Current an anthology published by thi wurd. And I have two poems in the City of Poets 2023 anthology. 

The Keeking Light

We had a bit of sunshine this week, one whole day of it on Friday from sunrise at 8am-ish to sunset at 4.30-ish. The return of the sun is a big deal in the north of Finland, but even in Southern Finland it has had a huge impact and immediately boosted everyone's moods. It has been a very dark and dreary winter this year, not just because the sun sets early and rises so late. It's been so overcast during the daylight hours that we haven't actually had more than a few hours of direct sunlight for maybe two months. It dampens everything and everyone in the country. So one day of pure sunlight, icy cold, is like a shot of adrenaline. Even if it's been followed by more snow and overcast weather. 

This feeling that spring is possible has given me a boost to move into looking for some new projects. So I'm applying for a grant, the first time I've tried it in Finland. Luckily, this application can be in English as I'm not up for an all Finnish application. I'm pretty sure I don't have a chance, but it's good practice and I can see how the process works. My writing group is also jumping into a new phase and we might eventually want to ask for some money. We've got a great group of enthusiastic and diverse writers, so we might has well push the boat out a little. 

I haven't written many grants and I don't have the knack as some people I have met who know the buzz words, the way to make something simple sound important and impactful. I don't invest a lot of personal emotion in them, but I also don't work only as a writer, so any money I get is bonus and totally unexpected. The money for writing time is definitely needed if I want to actually put some serious effort in my worj. Currently, I fit it into the weekend, around things I need to do for my work, my kids. I'd love to be a full-time writer, but I can't for my kids' sake. I'll throw this grant and another project I've applied for totally into the hands of the Fates and take what they give me in return. 

Publication news: I'm so delighted to be included in the most recent issue of Eemis Stane, a primarily Scots language publication. The team is just brilliant and so helpful with getting the Scots in my poems jist richt. I'm still learning, so it's been great to work with them and to be included, though Scots for me is a learned language, rather than a native tongue. The scope of the magazine is amazing and global even though it's focussed on a minority language, from a sample of Catalan translations of a Scots novel to a whole collection of great Scots poems and a review of a book of Scots translations of Chinese poets. I feel like I'm a small part of a new vitalising movement. 

Here's hoping more sunshine is on the way. 

2021 Writing Review

2022 isn't starting on the best foot. I'm in quarantine with my four kids, two have tested positive and we're just waiting to see if any of the rest of us get it. Some of us will already miss one day of school/work when we go back next week, so I'm hoping we can hold out and not miss any more. 

I've gotten lots of little home projects done but missed the chance to catch up on things like buying new clothes for my constantly growing kids, picking up a few replacement items for the home. We've cleaned, played Uno, sledged, listened to music, read lots and spent too much time on screens. But we haven't killed each other yet. Two years of social distancing has helped to prep us for proper quarantine, though I'm desperate to get back into the world.

But this post is to look back. 2021 was a good year for my writing. I've had more work accepted than ever before, some for magazines I've been trying to get into for ages or for projects that actually paid or offered wider exposure than previous I've been involved in. 

I'm not writing every day, but I have learned to focus the little time I have on writing. Saturday is currently my writing day, though that will happen less as my course starts up. I write, edit and submit to magazines on that day, totally immersing myself in writing. I will miss having that much time for just my writing, so I don't expect to see such great numbers next year.

I will still take Friday evening for my writing group and maybe do my writing work then. Hopefully, we will find a wee project or two to work on together. 

2021

61 new poems
144 submissions to journals or other opportunities
3 book submissions

108 rejections 

5 book rejections

38 acceptances 

68 poems were published in 39 publications
21 blog posts
Acceptance rate: 26%

Compared to 2020

55 new poems

131 submissions to magazines

3 to book publishers

106 magazine rejections

4 book rejections

29 acceptances

50 poems were published in 29 publications

33 blog posts

Acceptance rate: 21%

I'm very happy with those numbers and hope I can maintain I little of this momentum with my upcoming course. 

An added note of books I've read in 2021 that have really touched me. I have run out of time to do proper reviews, but I covered these poetry collections in my Sealey Challenge posts.

Jen Hadfield The Stone Age

Wendy Pratt When I Think of My Body as a Horse

Angela Carr How to Lose Your Home and Save Your Life

A few fiction titles I have enjoyed: 

Graeme Armstrong The Young Team - this book surprised me. It's about youth gangs around Glasgow in the 1990s. It's written totally in Scots which I enjoyed, but I also liked seeing into a group I was aware of when I lived in some of the less affluent areas of Glasgow, but had no understanding of. To see these boys as something other than a threat was inspiring. The writing was fast-paced and exciting, but also really well done to keep up the Scots in a way that was accessible but also really gave a sense of time and place.  

Margot MacCuaig Almost Then is an elegantly written book about twins who struggle to come to terms with their past and the path it has set them on. Margot sculpts her prose and characters with such attention to detail and feeling, that I can see every moment. Again, it has a strong use of Scots to create a connection to place. I did put some effort into finding more Scots to read this year and really enjoyed it.

Elizabeth Reeder An Archive of Happiness is a novel that brings a complicated family together in the North of Scotland, weaving different family members' resentments, memories and hopes until they come together in an agonising crescendo. I enjoyed the format of one day broken into segments so that I needed to stitch them together to follow the timeline. Beautifully crafted. 

My course starts today and I already have an assignment and bunch of worry. So I don't expect to do anything with this blog until the next holiday, which will hopefully run smoother. 

Take care. 

The End of 2021 Draws Nigh

The end of the year rolls near and I am just lifting my head towards my blog. It's been forgotten in the shuffle of working life and as that end-of-year-in-review feeling rolls in I have to be honest with myself about several things. 

Where I am at geographically, career-wise, with a view to my family and my energy levels means I cannot place much focus on my writing. And 2022 will be even more difficult. I'm starting my teacher training course in January while working full-time at a school and raising my kids. I'm currently fitting writing in at the weekends, but soon that will be taken over by my course. I will continue to try and do a bit of writing, but compromises will be made. 

And it hurts to think I will have to put it aside or squeeze it into the cracks. I would love to be working as a writer even part-time, but I need to focus on a career that I know will give some financial security. I'm finishing off a commission for some poetry this week and coming to the end of an editing job. I hope other small opportunities present themselves, but I will have to protect what little time I have to study and spend with my kids as much as I can.

My book will obviously not be published in 2021. I knew this was the case from early summer as nothing seemed to be moving forward, including communication. Maybe something will happen next year, but I no longer hold out much hope. My book was accepted about the time my decades-long relationship fell apart, so it felt a positive part of my renewal, a reason to look forward and celebrate my hard work. Then Covid and Brexit and Time bulldozed on through and here I am, still waiting, trying to be patient. 

It's not all negative, I have earned more money for my actual poems than ever before with a few commissions and projects I've had on my own and through the Helsinki Writers Group. My group is so uplifting and fun. I'm glad we've managed to find things we could do together and to keep things going in the uncertainty of the last two years. 

I've also had lots of work accepted. I'll do a proper numbers and thank yous post later, but here are a few that I've missed posting about. Sorry for no personal shout-outs. 

Fahmidan Journal, in their language issue.

Fevers of the Mind Poetry Showcase.

Haar, a Scottish poetry zine. 

Hecate, the 'Decay' issue, is available for digital download. 

Product, a Scottish arts journal.

The Poetry Archive, a video of my poem included in their World View exhibit.

The Wild Word, their education issue. 

morphog

Thanks to all the editors and staff who have worked hard in difficult times to get these issues out. I am in awe of their dedication and thankful to be included in their publications. 

So 2022 awaits and should be an interesting year. 

I'm Still Here - 2020 Review

I'm still here, winter is here. It's been nice to have some breathing room after such a busy and in some ways difficult year. The snow arrived and then melted. We usually get a good amount after the holidays, but last year we had no snow that stuck at all, so we're all waiting to see what this year brings. On so many levels.

Things have changed again and I'm still trying to figure it all out because it will probably change all over again soon enough. I was working full-time at a school until the Christmas break, so between that, my course and regular life, I was busy. I really enjoyed the role, half-teaching assistant, half- one-to-one assistant, so I'm starting to lean more that direction work-wise. I am actually beginning to enjoy my studies a bit, now that I kind of understand how to find the research material I need without access to real books and articles. I'll get through this course, but it is an absolute haul with everything else. 

I'm not going to try and rehash 2020. It's over, it wasn't good, it wasn't too bad for me, but I'm tired. I'm struggling to keep an even keel emotionally with all the stress the holidays usually bring, my Gran's recent death of Covid and just being so isolated here. The thought of starting anything new seems overwhelming.

I'm trying to not put too much pressure or expectation onto 2021. Crossing over its threshold doesn't make everything new, bright or easier. I have small goals I'm aiming for, but I just want to keep moving forward and see what happens. 

I don't know what work holds for me in the New Year. I'm hoping to be invited back to the same role as I've been in, but it's not permanent and it very much depends on the school's needs and finances. I've accepted an editing job for the new year for when my current course finishes and can pick up some substitute work if the other job falls through, so I'll still be busy. More on the editing job later. I'm looking at another course, but maybe later in the year.

I haven't been able to spend much time on my writing in 2020. A bit of writing in at the weekend, trying to finish a poem or two and submitting to various mags. 

Over the holiday, I hoped to read a bit and maybe do some reviews of recent books, but the days slide away so quickly. I'm trying to write, of course. I'm in the process of pulling down my other blog. I just don't have the time to keep it up. I'm copying it all onto my computer. It's like having a yearbook for our early years. There's too much to print, but I love to go back over them.

I've been gathering up the details for my end of year review of publications, submissions, rejections and so on. 

2020

55 new poems

131 submissions to magazines, 3 to book publishers

106 magazine rejections, 4 book rejections

29 acceptances

50 poems were published in 28 magazines or other venues, 33 online

33 blog posts

It's not a lot when compared to my best year, last year:

2019

155 new poems

221 submissions to magazines, 7 to book publishers

170 magazine rejections, 6 book rejections

27 acceptances, 1 win pamphlet competition

41 poems were published in 25 magazines or other venues, 21 online
45 blog posts, 1 guest blog post 

The only thing that's improved is the number of acceptances and number of poems published, but that's important. I have more work accepted with fewer submissions. If I've done the math right, it's a 22% acceptance rate compared to a 13% for 2019. That feels huge.

I would have liked to see my Scottish collection published, but that's been pushed to later in 2021. It's still happening and hopefully I'll be able to get out there and promote it, rather than do it all online. So silver linings.

Overall, I'm happy with what I've accomplished in 2020, in my writing, in my jumbled life and I'm looking forward to 2021. I'm moving forward. I'm still here. 

Gearing up and Down Sizing

The schools have started back and we're in that transition period where the scheduling begins, the afternoons fill with hobbies and lessons and we shuffle them around until we can manage. My morning are quieter, but without a flow yet. I am still running around and catching up on errands, so haven't found a rhythm to fit my poetry in regularly. And being a substitute I'm always slightly on edge waiting for the phone to break into the silence. My interview is also coming up this week, so it's nipping at the edge of my mind as well. 

One thing I've started this week is reviewing my poems in consideration of an A5 page size. Suna Afshan at Poetry Birmingham Journal made an off-the-cuff remark on Twitter asking those  submitting to stop formatting poems in A4 docs. It caused a flurry of tweets of confusion, ah ha moments, discussion and it got me thinking. Print magazines and collections do mostly print in A5 or a similar size, so it makes sense. Though most also seem to ask for submissions in A4 (even PBJ), so maybe the industry needs to rethink things as well. 

I do often look at potential collections from that format, but I have never considered using that size to type my poems from the beginning. So it's thrown my work in disarray. I've changed all my potential collections and my rough draft files to A5 and am looking at how it changes the lay-out of the poems. I'm not rewriting many yet, but it is making me see things differently. 

I've noticed my newer poems do run shorter and fit in A5 comfortably for the most part, but my upcoming collection is mostly older poems and is sitting at over the page limit at the moment. I need to find out what size and style of font my publisher uses. I don't mind splitting a poem over two pages if necessary, but three or four lines dangling over looks wrong. I'm unsure what to do about those extra 5 pages I've suddenly gained.

Of course, for online magazines it's less of an issue. Magazines and competitions usually specify A4 and around a 40 line limit, but my lay-out is running about 28 lines to a page (2cm margins top and bottom, 11pt Arial font for text and a 16pt title.) One of the benefits of being trained in editing at a small magazine is I learned little tricks to make a poem fit on a page, how to lay out a book so it looks good, but I won't be able to do that with my collection being published.  

It's a small thing really, but I feel better using the A5 format from now on. I'll still write my poems first in my notebook, not caring about length or format, but it will be a consideration when editing and designing collections. And, of course, I'm definitely not suggesting that poets should write to please editors and to fit publications, but it helps to know how a poem will look on the page and if we're using A4 as our template the printed product may not look how we imagined. 

I'm also trying to get back into reviewing and reading poetry collections, so I read a few poems every night before bed, the one time I can be sure I have time. I have turned back to Fiona Benson's Vertigo and Ghost which I started last year. This is one of those collections I wish I had written, but not lived. Such beautiful writing that tears me apart emotionally. Even the more gentle ones about parenthood and the poet's fears connected with raising her girls in this difficult world when other mothers are leading their children through unimaginable dangers in the hope of finding safety and shelter dig into all my tender places. But Part One which is considers the mythology of Zeus in modern terms, as a serial rapist, is more of a punch to the throat. Benson plays with the words on the page, mixing modern language with ancient stories and uses a kind of interview format to give voices to the victims, Io, Callisto and others, as well as bragging, bravado-puffed Zeus. It goes much further than Yeats' 'Leda and the Swan'. Difficult to read as it doesn't shy from blunt emotion and descriptions, it is an important voice in these times when 'Me Too' is not a thing you wish to say, but it needs to be heard. 

I've been commissioned to write a review for a poetry collection late in the autumn, but more about that later. 

I'm off to edit and later enjoy some late summer sun. 

A Positive Voice

I can not get myself organised to write this regularly at the moment. Summer is coming to an end here, less than two weeks before the schools go back and we're trying to readjust to that life, but my body is resisting. I'm struggling to tread water when I just want to let the current pull me along. It doesn't help that I have this weird ear pressure problem that won't clear. 

I was speaking to my writing group about this question of self-belief in one's writing I discussed in my last post and they pointed out that I was lucky to have a positive first creative writing teacher, positive early role models in general. They felt, and I now agree, that the first voices you hear as a child or young person about your self-worth stick with you. If those people, parents, teachers, mentors, were over-critical or negative, that soundtrack will follow you throughout your life. If they were positive, it gives you a bolster of belief that could help support you when things are difficult. It's worrying as a parent and a teacher to understand how much weight the words we speak to children have throughout their lives. 

It is one of the reasons I love teaching creative writing and why I'm struggling with the idea of going into just regular teaching. As a special creative writing teacher, I could focus on just that, be the positive voice who loved their childish leaps into imagination amidst the classroom teacher's worries and critiques of handwriting and spelling. As a classroom teacher, I wouldn't have that time to focus on what I love because there's so many other things that I need to do just to get through the day. As a substitute I have even less time to get to know the students because I am usually just trying to get through the lesson and keep a semblance of control. I've had one or two sparks of it, but most of it feels again like just pushing against the weight of water to stay afloat.

I have an interview coming up for a new role, away from teaching. I'm walking that tightrope of trying to be positive and not get my hopes up. Everything is moving slowly as well which is difficult. It's 2 weeks before my interview. It could be a chance to move back towards supporting writers in a new way which would feel like a positive direction for myself as well. This summer has been heavy with a lot of doubt and questioning which hasn't helped with forward movement. 

I'm focusing on finishing my coursework and getting the kids ready to go back to school. And doing lots of editing, not many new poems are being written, but I'm finishing up a bunch of those poems I've written in my last few courses. 

I joined the Helsinki Poetry Connection for an open mike night this week. My first in Finland and my first in at least 10 years. I'm well out of practice, but it was a good laugh as a few friends from my group also braved the experience and did amazing. Open mikes are the same in the US, UK and Finland in my experience. It all depends on the crowd, but there's usually a good sense of support, some fun, funny and downright crazy readers. It's a weird experience in another language. My Finnish is just not good enough to follow the poems, but I love listening to the sound of it and how everyone made it do different things. Helsinki Poetry Connection was welcoming and multi-cultural, so I didn't feel strange reading in English. I'll definitely do it again. 

A few other bits of good news: Emerge Literary Journal has published my poem 'Growing Through the Sidewalk'.

My poem 'Without Finnish Idioms' won Wax Poetry Art's European Poetry Competition and was the first, and currently the only, poem published in their new online magazine Europe Poetry Magazine. This was one of the poems I read at the open mike. It was fun to see if the Finns reacted to my translations of Finnish idioms. 

And 'Cafe Dreams' is in the current issue of dreams walking, a new magazine with some great work.

Check them all out. 

Things just keep ticking along. Autumn will be here before we know it. Keep positive.

Corona Virus: Week Nine: Back to Semi-Normal

The kids in Finland went back to school on the 14th for about two weeks before the summer and I started subbing yesterday for 4 of the last 7 days. I'm not going to get into the wisdom of that decision as I'm not sure where I stand on it, but regardless, we're all looking forward to a break from this new normal.  

On the days I'm not working, I have plenty of things to keep me busy with my course, my writing and other things on my To Do List. They're opening the libraries to pick up reserved books, so that's something to look forward to. As I've said before I'm used to social isolation, it's the strain of home-schooling 3 kids on my own that's been getting to me. 

My focus has changed, so I've struggled to keep up with this blog. I'm back on my course work, trying to get my allotment sorted before my birch allergy gets so bad I can't go outside and I've finished painting my stairs, so I can focus on the kitchen cabinets next, if I'm not going back to work. I'm still trying to write my poem a day, but usually late at night, so I barely remember what I wrote in the morning and it feels like a new poem. 

The High Window has published three of my poems in their early summer issue. 

The Winnow has also published two of my poems in their summer issue. 

To be honest, I haven't had a chance to check out either of these issues, but will try at the weekend or summer break for us is after next week, so I will have more time then. And a pile of reading to catch up on. 

Things feel kind of back to normal. We can't go out to eat or go to the pool, cinema or amusement places for the kids, but basically life is continuing on with some adjustments. We're not a terribly social family anyway and have few friends here, so staying at home didn't affect us much. We'll see how the infection levels react and whether we have to go back to a form of lockdown again over the summer.

I hope everyone's adjusting and keeping well. 

Dipping Back into Poetry

Some weeks, I feel myself moving further and further away from poetry, in order to earn money and care for my family. This isn't a lament. I've been very lucky to be able to take time off to raise my young kids when they needed me, to have a partner who supported me and to be able to use that time to write and build up a publishing record.

But occasionally I do see a ship I'd like to be on sailing away in the distance, a writing course I'd like to attend, an opportunity I cannot even consider. I wave to those lucky enough to take part and I turn back to my substitute teaching, my editing jobs, my attempts to re-train so I can improve my chances of finding work. There's a shadow of regret, but I have always liked a goal, moving towards a purpose, so I hope to make the most of this change of direction. And hard work, I relish a challenge, physical or mental, especially one with people on the sidelines saying I'm crazy for considering it.

I've been accepted into my SEN course, but I can't enroll properly because of someone technical glitch. It doesn't bode well for taking an online course. I'm still waiting to hear about my other course. I also need to figure out if I can teach, study and keep up with the kids. 

But I'm still keeping my toes in the poetry waters, writing occasionally, submitting, attending my poetry group. I've had a group of poems accepted by The Blue Nib this week, so I have that to look forward to. I could never give up writing completely. It always finds a way into my life. 

I've written the starts of two new poems this week. I feel like I'm writing in slow motion. I haven't finished any poems I've started this year and only finished 10 from last year. After writing everyday for so much of last year and writing so many poems, it's harder to get back into the flow. Once I actually clear my desk of work and admin, it's difficult to turn my head towards writing. The less attention I give it, the more I have to work at making time for it, to remember to take out my notebook rather than my phone, to not give into the tiredness on Friday night after work and go to my writing group where I usually have a bit of time beforehand to write. 

I'm back to where I was a year and a half ago when writing was work. Not that I didn't enjoy it, but it didn't come naturally, each line had to be pulled from me and shaped, rather than just me falling into a rhythm of writing as soon as I sat down.

Difference is, I know what is possible now. I couldn't believe then that I could write a draft of a poem daily, that it could be easy. Now, I know I need to make the effort to slot it in on days when I'm not teaching. I should also try to adapt to writing in the evening when the kids are in bed, but it's never been a natural time for me to work. But I've proven that this old horse can learn new tricks, so it won't hurt to try. 

I need to take advantage of the kids being out for another hour or so and do some proper writing. Enjoy the beginnings of spring. 

Teaching Kids and Creative Writing

My poems 'Hare Moon' and 'The Postscript' have been published in issue 89 of Obsessed with Pipework. Thanks so much to the Charles and Katerina for making such a lovely issue and for taking the time to ship it to my far corner of Europe. My kids were excited to see my name in the issue and hear me read one of the poems out, they don't usually get to see my writing. Though my son said it didn't rhyme, so I'll need to spend some time working on his poetry knowledge.

I've had a couple of chances to teach creative writing to kids here in Finland as part of my substituting. I recently had to whip up a quick lesson when a teacher accidentally made a mistake in her lesson plans and asked me to teach the same lesson I had taught her class the week before. I gave them three vague prompts about aliens, sports, holidays and asked them to focus on 'to be verbs' which our lesson was covering. Some students wrote their one page dutifully, but showed very little excitement because it was just another assignment, but the wee group of boys who had been keeping me on my toes all week took a while getting into it. I forgot how much I enjoy watching kids enjoy writing.

I could see it, the fire behind their eyes as ideas began to grow, as words filled page after page. They didn't want to go out to break, they wanted to continue writing after they finished their required work in the next lesson. One asked if I could publish their work. If only. That's why I used to teach creative writing, to see that excitement. Even my teaching assistant was surprised that these particular kids, who struggled with school, who didn't read according to her, were able to find the imagination to come up with stories that they wanted to write and share. It can be a challenge to find a way to kick start their interest, but there's usually a way if you can take the time to work with them. I hope it get to use my skills more during the rest of this year. 

I found out I can't do the course that would allow me to get a teaching certificate here. I don't have enough credits in Linguistics. So that has whittled my course choices down to the SEN course and the Vocational Teachers certificate which is only good for high school and above. I've applied for both, though the SEN course is being held up as we wait for an approval letter from my main school. I don't know if I can do both time-wise and continue subbing, but I can try. I'll look into a linguistic course too, maybe.

This sort of teaching wasn't my goal years ago, I loved being a Creative Writing teacher and editor, but that's just not possible here. I'm having to adapt to the country and language I live in and to my current abilities and training. Maybe if I can get this Vocational Teacher degree, I can teach some adult classes in Creative Writing. But in the end, with four kids and the need to get myself independent, I need to look at more stable careers. With more and more graduates in Creative Writing, getting permanent teaching positions without a degree in Creative Writing is becoming harder and harder. (Something to consider if you're looking at taking a course.) So becoming a primary school teacher or something similar has to be seriously considered. 

I'm sitting here on another wild, rainy weekend, contemplating what to do next. I've been editing all week, first for paid work and also my own poems. I'm waiting on decisions on the two courses I've applied to and booking classes as a sub. I'm looking at jobs here in Finland and in the UK, though recent immigration laws will make it pretty impossible for me to move back there. I want to write new poems, but my brain has seized up. I'm trying not to worry about the uncertainty of my life because next week will be all new. I want to embrace that potential. 

Burns' Night 2020

I'm recovering from a Burns' Night blast, so this will be short, but sweet. 

Bindweed has published two of my poems in their 10th online issue. Lovely issue, check it out. 

Burns' Night was so much fun. For those of you who don't know, it celebrates the poetry and life of Robert Burns, Scotland's bard. The Finnish Scottish Society here in Finland have an annual event, this year held on Suomenlinna, Finland's fortress island just off Helsinki. I was involved with the creating and cooking of the haggis from scratch and the kitchen is such a good place to be.

We had the traditional 'Address to the Haggis', bagpipers, a musician singing Burns' songs, a game where guests are invited to read selected lines of the poems, either those a bit racy, with a touch of Scottish humour or those a that might be difficult for the non-Scots speaking. It's was a great laugh and there might have been a bit of drinking. No whisky for me though. 

Sunset on Suomenlinna.

I'll leave you with a Burns song I particularly like. Here's a link to a version that explains some of the Scots words. 

A Man's A Man For A' That

Is there for honest Poverty

   That hings his head, an' a' that;

The coward slave—we pass him by,

   We dare be poor for a' that!

For a' that, an' a' that.

   Our toils obscure an' a' that,

The rank is but the guinea's stamp,

   The Man's the gowd for a' that.

What though on hamely fare we dine,

   Wear hoddin grey, an' a that;

Gie fools their silks, and knaves their wine;

   A Man's a Man for a' that:

For a' that, and a' that,

   Their tinsel show, an' a' that;

The honest man, tho' e'er sae poor,

   Is king o' men for a' that.

Ye see yon birkie, ca'd a lord,

   Wha struts, an' stares, an' a' that;

Tho' hundreds worship at his word,

   He's but a coof for a' that:

For a' that, an' a' that,

   His ribband, star, an' a' that;

The man o' independent mind

   He looks an' laughs at a' that.

A prince can mak a belted knight,

   A marquis, duke, an' a' that;

But an honest man's abon his might,

   Gude faith, he maunna fa' that!

For a' that, an' a' that,

   Their dignities an' a' that;

The pith o' sense, an' pride o' worth,

   Are higher rank than a' that.

Then let us pray that come it may,

   (As come it will for a' that,)

That Sense and Worth, o'er a' the earth,

   Shall bear the gree, an' a' that.

For a' that, an' a' that,

   It's coming yet for a' that,

That Man to Man, the world o'er,

   Shall brothers be for a' that.

Too Tired to Think of a Title

This week consisted of subbing four full days, the fifth day I had a meeting at my son's school because he's been struggling since we moved him to mainstream and chasing up information and applying for a course or two or three. I managed to get one application in and I think I've decided against one of the courses. It's full time, my son's needs and appointments are obviously going to increase, so I won't be able to commit to going into Uni every day. The new plan is to apply to the other two and see what happens and continue to work as a substitute.

I graduated with my second degree in 1996. I've done a few language and creative writing courses since, but I haven't written an essay or done academic research for over 20 years. I've edited essays for other people, double-checked their bibliographies and facts, but I've not been a proper student. And now I've decided to apply to two one-year courses while working part-time. I'm not sure I'll get into either of them, but I'm getting a bit worried that I'll be able to handle even one of them.

I swore I didn't want to go back to studying. I'm 50 this year and I wanted that part of my life to be done. But needs must. I will get paid more, have more opportunities if I do some training. I don't think I'm ready to be a full-time student again though.

I'm already feeling my age and out-of-placeness, struggling with the online application system, but, honestly, who thought that it would be a good idea to not allow people to go back and double-check, proof-read their details and that if you tried, you'd crash your application. I've discovered even some of the students I've worked with submit essays written on phones without doing more than a spell check. Crazy. Yes, I've complained to the University, being a mature student-hopeful means I won't be willing to sit back and just accept things.

My writing has gotten very little attention until this weekend, but I've found a bit of time to do some writing and editing.

I've also had four poems published in the morphrog 20 issue this week, the online version of The Frogmore Papers. It's nice to have a few poems in one place, to read the other writers and also for myself.

I've also received the new Hedgehog Poetry Press Cult bundle, a big pile of pamphlets that come with my subscription. I was especially looking forward to Raine Geoghegan's new collection they lit fires: lenti hatch o yog, monologues, songs and haibun about her family's Romany life. I had read her previous collection Apple Water: Povel Panni and was really taken by the mixture of poetry, culture and language woven into her writing. It was actually some of Raine's poems on Chris Murray's Poethead website that led me to Hedgehog. I was so taken by her writing and thought the house that published her would be worth looking into and it definitely was.

The new collection doesn't disappoint. I love the colours, the sound of the Romany words her writing evokes. Each piece makes me feel as if I was by those fires listening to those stories, travelling down the roads with a warm, tight-knit family. Raine Geoghegan's writing offers a different and welcome insight to the Romany culture than most popular media offers these days. 

It's sad seeing my writing taking a backseat to so much, but I'm trying to keep myself connected with poetry however I can.