Do I Continue to Feed the Beast?

Aghh, I've lost two days of my holiday because I've had to change roles at work. This year I get to look forward to more hours, more busy work, less pay and a multitude of hoops to jump through to prove I can do the job I had been doing for the past three years because I didn't take a straight forward path to teaching. I have a day and a half to not think about all that, tomorrow evening will be scooping together everything I need to go back to work and prepare for my course, so today I'm going elsewhere with my thoughts.

Last weekend I went on a writers' retreat with some friends my writing group. Well, writers' retreat is a loose label. We went to a summer cottage in the Turku archipelago, in the west of Finland. This was our fourth year of having a Helsinki Writers Group retreat since Covid, though we missed the last two years, I think, due to low numbers. It's hard to organise 6 or more people to do anything together, but totally worth it when we manage. 

We did a few writing things, had writing related talks and did writing prompts. I did a lot of journaling, but mostly we just hung out and did Finnish summer cottage things: picked berries and mushrooms, walked in the woods, sauna'd and jumped in the sea, drank a bit, played some games and ate a lot of food. All in all, a lovely relaxing weekend, except for the long drive. 

Forest walk. 

One of the presentations from a lovely writer that works in IT was on AI witch hunts for writers: how to recognise AI writing (most of which they have already found ways around) and avoid our writing being mistaken for AI. How is this even a problem?! 

But I know it is, it's a debate that has popped up around the edges of this blog. I have started posting this blog on Substack as well as Blogger and Substack has recently introduced an AI checker for posts, via Pangram. I don't think posters can opt out of this as it's supposedly to protect the reader from believing AI slosh is human-generated. (Maybe you can, I'm still trying to read the instructions.) I'm not sure how often it happens with writing, but I do see a lot of AI-generated images everywhere. It's sad that on a site for writers and creatives, posters are so hungry for likes and subscribers that they would use AI at all, but I guess they do. 

I've been trying to ignore it, but it's making me reconsider whether I want to post this also on Substack because I fear this checker will be feeding my work directly into Pangram's LLM AI. I don't want to help train AI to write more like a person. (Checking this before posting - Substack says it doesn't use the detector to train AI and that it offers a block from external training models. Why do I not feel reassured?)

When I voiced this concern, my friend pointed out that my writing was probably being gobbled up in other ways. They are finding countless ways at consuming as much raw data as they can, possibly even scanning copies of last available hardcopies of books and then shredding them. Maybe this is just scaremongering, but with AI nothing feels implausible, just a warning.

This is where we are at, in my lifetime we've gone from the excitement of Pong and writing simple 001 code commands to AI writing our stories and poems and faking photographs of sunsets to make someone money through little digital hearts. We have to prove that we are writing our thoughts ourselves, that we were the one behind the camera or the pen.

The easy answer is don't post online and again I'm left to wonder why I do. Why do I like seeing the finished post, why do I check my stats to see if anyone is reading? I couldn't tell you how many subscribers I have (hello out there, if there are any), I don't charge to read my posts, but I'm not immune to the dopamine rush from being published, from being read. 

So for that moment of chemical pride, do I have to just accept that AI is reading this and eating it up in its greedy digital maw to regurgitate my meandering human style at some later date, that bots are most of my visits rather than real eyes? In 2026, I guess I do. 

How long will I hesitate before I hit Publish?

. . . 

Not even an hour and some of that time was spent looking for Blogger's AI policy (doesn't seem to have one) and reading Substack's AI detector instructions and info. Sad, but here I am. 

AI Trigger Warning

A member of my writing group asked last night what we would think about them bringing a story that AI had translated for them. I have to admit my gut clenched and I immediately voiced my negative opinion. 

But I get it. As an international group, most of our writers have English as a second or third language, but we ask that everything shared with the group be mainly written in English. It is difficult to write comfortably in a language that is not your mother tongue. I use translation software regularly just to get through my daily life in a country where I don't speak the language well. I use spell check in my own writing as a backup for my own skills. I have however tried to turn off all the AI add-ons with my word processing software, emails and other apps, regularly write -ai when doing a search on the internet. I am very aware it still invades every part of my online life.

The thought of AI working its way into a group that is focused on the craft of writing scared and upset me a bit. 

I work with middle-school students and the reliance on AI to help them learn from both the students, teachers and administrators scares me. I constantly have kids asking me why they need to learn Maths or other subjects when they can just ask their phones to do it for them. I'm running out of answers. 

While our admin is telling us to use AI to do lesson planning, the school has banned phones and have had to find various ways to lock down the tablets the lower and middle school students use from going to sites that gather data. GDPR is the law in Europe. Teachers are having to find ways around kids using AI to do their work for them, going back to paper and pencil in many cases. I see the results of children growing up with the internet and AI, students without learning needs being unable to tell time on an analog clock, remember basic times tables and maths skills, unable to spell or to trust their own abilities to write a paragraph, to analyse a poem. 

Non-native speakers are taking longer to learn English because they rely on translation software for both reading and writing. I've seen student write a whole paragraph or more in their mother tongue and then paste the translation into an assignment and insist they had written it themselves. They no longer see the line between themselves and the software. 

But this is about creation and crafting. The writer had written the story themselves in their mother tongue, but wanted to share an English version for the group's feedback. As the conversation advanced they said they had translated the story first themselves, then asked AI to translate it too and then compared them. They said they were very similar. They then asked the AI to mark areas where it didn't appear in native English and then merged the two versions to improve the English. The line gets blurrier and blurrier. Did they write the English version, did they translate it?

I said I'd rather see the writer's original translation and we could support them in terms of highlighting areas that could be improved to native English usage. I said ideally I'd prefer what I say to my English learner students, use software to translate the occasional word or phrase, but try to write/translate it yourself. Use the language you have. That's learning the craft of writing; sculpting the story, the poem from the writer's own imagination and skills.  

It opened an interesting discussion. We have a lot of tech people in the group who had various opinions on AI. We discussed how using AI feeds the big LLMs, how companies had used writers' work to teach AI without permission and ways we use AI to support our writing. We also wondered about the future. Is this like the Industrial Revolution where we just find a way to implement a version of AI into our lives to improve them or would there be a backlash as we see it is harmful or will we welcome our robot overlords with open arms? I know I will be one of the first up against the wall. 

The group probably needs to come up with a policy of whether we would be open to reading work that had a large input from AI, in terms of creation, editing, translation or refining, but it felt too big a task last night. I asked, jokingly but not joking, for a trigger warning if AI is used, like we ask for difficult topics. The group has always been open to reading all things, but ask to know if a piece has the potential to upset people. To be honest, AI has the same affect on me. 

Do you have an opinion on AI and creative writing or translation?

Part of my students' class poem, no AI was used in its creation, though Snoopy helped a bit. 

Scottish Book Tour 2025

Every summer when I go to Scotland to work, I order an obscene amount of books from a small independent bookseller in the Scottish Borders. I try to catch up on recent Scottish book publications, but also pick a few that I've heard about over the winter. I try to focus on Scottish authors and publishes, but this year I branched out a little. Thanks you Mainstreet Books for feeding my addiction. 

I usually try to review some of the books I've bought and read, though this year I seem to be reading quite slowly so it's already 2026 and I'm just touching the bottom of the pile. So yes, this is another 2025 book round up.

Kirsten MacQuarrie's book Remember the Rowan published by Red Squirrel Press was unexpected. I'd heard of the book Ring of Bright Water, but knew nothing about its author Gavin Maxwell and I knew of the poet Kathleen Raine and had read a few poems, but her life was not something I had heard about. The book charts their volatile relationship. Raine was in love with Maxwell who was a homosexual. He became her muse for much of her poetry and she was involved with the Maxwell's first otter which was the focus of his most famous book. Remember the Rowan is a big read, well-researched and covering decades of their inspiration and arguments. I enjoyed it, it's very well written. 

The book is a real insight into the life of a woman who plays a midwife to an artist, not a muse, similar to Sylvia Beach and James Joyce, a woman who makes it possible for a man to succeed, even to the detriment of her own work and well-being. For that reason, I couldn't feel good about the story. I felt caught up in Raine's life and turmoil, so much so I wanted to take her for a drink to tell her to get out of the toxic relationship. It shows how intimate and believable a writer MacQuarrie is. 

James by Percival Everett was a book I wanted to enjoy, but I just didn't and I can't put my finger on why. It follows the character of Jim from Mark Twain's Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. We follow Jim as his escapes from slavery and goes on the run, meeting Huck. The two books overlap and Everett manages it well, creating a strong character and backstory for him, but I just didn't gel with James or his story. The story sometimes pushes at the reader to shout its message and the ending felt rushed, so I walked away feeling unsatisfied.

On the Calculation of Volume by Solvej Balle, on the other hand, blew my socks off. If I was one of those readers who underlines my favourite lines or sections, the book would be covered with ink. Though not an original idea, a character that is stuck in a loop to repeat one day over and over, it handles it in a totally unexpected way. It is a quiet study, a character who unravels herself over and over within this day and within her relationship with her husband. The language is poetic and soft, a slow dive into the character's mind, and I was hooked from the very beginning. There are currently six books in the series, four of which have been translated into English, the first shortlisted for the Booker last year. Our next trip to Scotland will include a visit to pick up the available volumes. Absolutely breathtaking. 

The Details by Ia Genberg was another Booker Prize shortlisted books by a Scandinavian female author I read last year. A stream of consciousness, a fevered telling, it unravels the character's relationships with various friends and loves over the decades. While the book is well-crafted, I just couldn't find a way into the character. We follow her through her life in intimate detail, yet I felt distanced from her. Sometimes knowing a character's every thought is too much.

Muckle Flugga by Michael Pedersen was a book I considered buying in the summer, but decided to postpone as it was too big and I already had too many. I was given it later unexpectedly and dived in. Set on an isolated lighthouse far north of mainland Scotland, it tells the story of an artist who comes to stay and gets caught up in the life of the lighthouse keeper and his son. The book rollicks and rambles over the sea and island, delighting in its nature and unpredictability. The characters deal with their own storms, young Ouse on the brink of adulthood and all the choices it offers and The Father, the lighthouse keeper, who watches all he has built start to be pulled away by the outsider Firth, an Edinburgh artist who arrives with plenty of baggage. The language is unpredictable and delightful, full of humour and bright poetry and the characters are well-crafted and engaging. The use of Scots is unobtrusive but essential to the atmosphere, bringing all the details together. A fun and engaging read.

Poyums Annaw by Len Pennie is the second poetry collection by the Scots Word of the Day internet sensation. I first stumbled upon her during our Covid lockdown where she shared a new Scots word with a hint of humour and honesty. I love her poem 'I'm not having children' and her poem about the Daft Days, but I hadn't read her first collection or her other works. Len Pennie is now an Scots language advocate, but she also has become a voice for survivors of gender-based violence after facing a lengthy court case of her own and constantly facing internet trolls on her various social media platforms. Her poems cover her own situation and fighting the patriarchy in general, mostly in Scots.  They are honest and acerbic, sometimes tinged with humour. They do not bury the punchline in metaphor, instead they often pack a mean punch. While the rhyming sometimes gets to me, I'm a free verse kind-of-gal, the poems carry the reader along without feeling they are reading literature with a capital L. They are the kind of thing you'd share with your non-poetry pals and the two poems above have been passed on to me from unexpected places. Len often shares recordings of her poetry on social media and her genuine joy of Scots and poetry are infectious. Her poems are really meant to be heard, so if you can get the audio book read by Len herself, I'm sure it's worth hearing them in the author's own voice. 

The Ghost Lake by Wendy Pratt is another memoir-type book written by someone I vaguely know. Wendy Pratt is a poet who runs workshops, offers mentoring and ran the magazine Spelt. I won a mentoring session with her a decade ago and she was a great second set of eyes on my writing. Since then she's had several collections published and now has written a memoir about her journey through grief based around a paleo-lake where she has lived her whole life, a lake that has long disappeared, but left it's mark on the landscape and her life. The history and archaeology within the book are really captivating and are used to peel back the layers of stories. Her journey to find her way in her writing career, through the grief of infertility and the loss of her daughter during her birth and her father's recent death is interwoven with the landscape and the people who have lived there. 

It's not the kind of book I would normally read as it feels a bit like voyeurism, but here the reader is being invited closer to actually walk amongst the story, picking up a shell or stone with the author to connect. Wendy has always been very open about her struggles, on her blog and in her writing. The book touches on a lot of topics close to her heart: rural life, working class struggles, neurodiversity and grief. It shares the overwhelming weight she carries and the chinks of light she has followed to stand above it all, if only for moments. It's a touching tribute to the area and the people who have helped her on her way. 

Fower Pessoas by Colin Bramwell is a book I've just started but already I want to scribble down so many lines. It is a Scots 'translation' of Fernando Pessoa, the Portuguese poet known for his heteronyms, alternative personalities that he took on to write his poems. There are so many layers upon layers within this book, Bramwell to Pessoa to his heteronyms, Scots to English to Portuguese, that I imagined it would be a difficult read. However, the poems have a friendly feel like sitting with a slightly drunk Glaswegian poet hearing their thoughts about the world. There's philosophy swirled with humour and sarcasm, insight below the mocking. I'm really enjoying it, so far. 

Though he doesn't say it in his acknowledgments, I think this is a version of subversive translations as in the poetry collection I reviewed by Taylor Strickland. Bramwell admits he doesn't speak Portuguese well and these poems are moved in time and place to modern Glasgow, the heteronyms taking on a Scots personality and language. They are responses to Pessoa and our own restless times and to Scotland's own identity, all wrapped up in its own antisyzygy. I read some Pessoa after I came back from Lisbon a few years ago, I'll have to dig them out again and remind myself of their own voices, but I'm already enjoying the use of Scots, the sense of movement and freedom of the poems. There a sense that there's no pinning them down. 

Finally a publication note for myself, first of 2026, my poetry has been included in Helsinki Writers Group's 2025 anthology. Go here to check it out. 

So goodbye 2025 and welcome 2026. I have no plans or resolutions, just keeping my eyes open to see what the year holds for me. Best of luck to us all. 

Midsummer

It's midsummer, when Finnish people turn away from the cities and towards the water and the forest, relax and be themselves. As much as I don't usually like summer, the heat, the beaches, etc, it's the season I like in Finland most of all. Mainly because the rest of the time is the long winter or the lead up to it.  

The weather has finally started to warm up to summer level, over 20C, which makes going to the water bearable. The river is still cold, but it's warm enough to manage a dip. Lakes are better. I won't even attempt the sea this early on. The kids are struggling to get into summer mode, all their friends having left for holidays. We don't have a summer cottage so we're just hanging about the city, doing small things just to slowly immerse ourselves. 

I'm still on my go-slow summer, writing in the morning, working on the house or garden or doing something with the kids in the afternoon. Summer is fresh fruit and thunderstorms, always having dirt under my fingernails no matter how hard I scrub and the window open at night. It's ice cream and sleeping in, museums and cafes, it's writing when I want. Long days, nights without boundaries. I don't want it to end, but I have my summer course in Scotland soon which follows midsummer and starts the descent back into the real world. 

Just like my poems are seasonal, my pictures are. Right now I have lots of poppies and irises from my garden. A Finnish midsummer poem previously published in the Helsinki Writers Group and in Porridge. 

Yötön Yö*

The fluttering ribbon of blue
outwith my window deepens
but holds fast to the birches. 

I welcome a thirst for black cherries
bursting over my hands,
blooded with the waiting abundance.

Beyond, in a rhythm I can’t understand
bonfires blaze on the shores,
fed by a dancing wind of flowers.
The country eases back.
beneath the slow-whirl of the sky.

 

*Finnish ‘nightless night’, Juhannus, mmidsummer.

I'm still writing a bit everyday, poems and fragments. When I go to Scotland I'll do more journaling than creative writing though I hope to keep up the practice of writing everyday. I'll take a new notebook with me as my current one is almost full (the joy of notebooks!!) and write everything there, rather than take my writing notebook and my journal. 

I have ordered a pile of books from the local independent bookstore so will make a short trip there to collect them and hopefully we'll look around some when the group goes to Edinburgh, so I'm looking forward to that. I'm trying not to pack to much so I can fill my suitcase with books on the way back. I'll try to do a review of my purchases when I come back - my Scottish Book Tour review. I always try to buy some Scottish books, though I end up with a very full mixed bag. 

It's been raining quite heavily the past few days (it always takes me a while to write these blogs). Getting me ready for Scotland, I guess. I can't wait. Though it's pretty intense to take a bunch of kids to another country, they are old enough to be pretty responsible and I get to teach about Scottish culture, history and literature, so I always enjoy it. So it's not quite my regular teaching job. There's still a bit of time before I have to think about that. 

Make the most of the summer, rain or shine. Enjoy. 

Sliding Out of 2024: End of Year Review

The dark time of the year. The snow we had is melted and the sky has been without sun for ages. We have been full of sickness and lacking motivation for most things, especially Christmas. 

I always find this time of year difficult, living away from what I consider home. The cold, the darkness, the forced jollity of Christmas. Even after 15 years, I don't feel at peace here and the holidays make it worse. 

But this is what the kids know and look forward to, so I focus on our family traditions and we make a gingerbread house and decorate the house and tree. We get out the crafts the kids made when they were wee to hang on the tree, the tatty paper tonttu (Christmas elves) and the salt dough decorations that have survived over 15 years. The run-up to Christmas is stressful, but as we don't have family here the day is pretty laid back and then we have a quiet break until we all return to school. I'm looking forward to that most of all. 

We got through Christmas and have fallen into the well of the Daft Days. I feel now the end-of-year urge to finish things off, tidy up and organise things. It probably won't happen in the house, but I can start with my poetry admin.

First of all, I'd like to thank all the publishers of journals and anthologies who have published me this year: The Banshee, From Glasgow to Saturn, Poetry Scotland, Causeway/Cabhsair, City of Poets, Dreich, Ink, Sweat and Tears, Aimsir, Dust Poetry, Hillfire Press and Helsinki Writers Group. Eleven publications which published 17 of my poems. It was a quieter year, but I still feel blessed to have my work shared by such interesting and innovative publishers.

That brings me to my end-of-year stats. In 2024:

I wrote 29 new poems.

I made 13 book submissions and 37 magazine subs. I still have about 15 submissions still out undecided.                    

I've had 11 acceptances from journals or anthologies, one as I've been writing this post.                          

But I had 16 book rejections and 31 magazine rejections.

In the end, I had 11 publications publish 17 poems.  

I had a 22% acceptance rate which isn't bad, considering all my numbers are down from my best year of 2022 where I had 28 acceptances for a 32% acceptance rate. But still better than 10% when I started counting in 2017.

I have been submitting my books more to publishers, 13 times with 16 rejections. It's frustrating that I cannot find a publisher for them. And even more frustrating that the book that was accepted in 2019 is still not published. But I'm trying to focus on the slow writing I'm doing, each tweak on a poem, each new line scribbled.  

Everything feels dark just now, but with the solstice past and the new year waiting, we know the sun will return. 

Turned Inward But Moving Forward

Everyone is shell-shocked from the recent election. I kind of expected it, but to be honest, I can't summon up much emotion towards its aftermath. 

I've been on this slide into disbelief, dismay and depression after most elections since the Scottish Independence Referendum in 2014. Even the Tories being ousted this year felt hollow as I knew Labour wasn't going to do anything differently, and the SNP faced significant losses. 

Now, I just kind of hang around in the numb depression area when it comes to politics and society. I can't summon up hope in the run-up and don't feel the raging disappointment others feel when it all goes badly. 

I don't have the energy really, my personal plate is full. I'm balancing so many things for my kids, my own four and the sixty-plus I care for at school. Their needs are my full-time job, my focus is always turned towards them.

And then on the way home from work last week, I received a phone call that dropped another weight onto the pile. A small bump on my nose was found to be skin cancer. I've had it for years, but it was beginning to grow and change so I wanted it removed as it's ugly and annoying to me. Both the doctor and I were surprised by the results. 

I wrote this two years ago when I had a biopsy for a lump in my breast, a much bigger concern that turned out to be nothing:

Foreign, just a speck of sand,

an irritation within my shell.

Pearl of blackened rot

or a quiet multiplication of cells.

I imagine it spreads,

infestation

like an explosion of ants

crawling into every crevice.

Meanwhile, this other lump was growing. I'm sure it's nothing major, it's so tiny, but it'll be another pile of appointments and concerns to add to the list. 

So with all that's going on in the world, selfishly I've turned my thoughts inward even more, towards the people I care for and even towards myself for a change. I just have to keep moving forward, holding so much afloat, as if there is a future for my kids worth moving towards. To give them the foundation and the skills to keep moving forward themselves. 

And poetry is left to fall between the cracks of all that. In the summer, my editor said we would try to get my book out in November and, of course, I haven't heard from him since. After 5 years, I can no longer summon any enthusiasm for his promises. My other collections have been declined by 15 other publishers this year, yet I submitted to another publisher this week. 

I keep on writing, slowly though my belief in my publishability is low. Though I continue to half-hope, that is not the goal. It's pulling the feelings, memories, worries and love out in words that keeps me afloat. I work out my thoughts in my journals or in my poems. It doesn't matter if they get published really, though I would like to be able to share my work. So I'll continue to send my poems out and continue to write a blog that few read. It's better than letting the thoughts bump around the echo chamber of my mind.

I'd like to be able to say I ended that poem above with a hopeful message, a chink of light, but it ended like this:

After a season, an offering,
benign,
a word of chalk and bone,
crumbling beneath my heel. 

In the silence that remains,
a twitch of worry
still worms
beneath my surface.

I'm positive about the whole thing, it'll be a pain to sort, but I don't believe it's a serious issue, just another thing to deal with that will get dealt with.

'What Grows in the Dark' was recorded with the Helsinki Writers Group at Helsinki Open Waves back in 2022, though their audio doesn't seem to work now, this link does. It's lovely hearing those poems again. 

Brightening into April - GloPoWriMo

Spring in Finland. There's a sense of the mood lightening, but we've just been hit with 20cm of snow. It's supposed to warm up next week, but I'm not holding my breath. I am changing my winter tyres on Monday, so I am whispering a few words to the weather spirits to stop with the snow.

I'd forgotten it's GloPoWriMo, Global Poetry Writing Month, or NaPoWriMo, even though I've started Angela Carr's writing prompts course, A Pagan Place. I've managed to write something every day, even though I'm back to work. The course is brilliant, based around Irish mythology, but the prompts include music, other poems and stories often inspire something totally unconnected. I don't expect to continue to write every day, but I like having the prompts for the days when I do get a chance. 

In today's prompt, I especially liked this poem by Mahmoud Darwish though my writing was inspired by the Big Country song In a Big Country.  I don't usually listen to music when I write, but have been stuck on a Big Country loop today. 

My writing group Helsinki Writers has produced its first anthology of members' poetry and short fiction. We're still figuring out the technology and formats, but we're very proud of the writing. We've done other smaller activities such as writing poems for events and recording our work for and with other organisations, but this was completely our own project and, to be honest, it was difficult to organise and produce. Those who did the work were unpaid and put in a lot of hours, but we're happy with our first attempt. Please check it out. 

Another bit of writing news, my Finland-inspired poetry collection Invocation Against Winter was short-listed for the Cinnamon Press' 2025 New Voices Award. Congratulations to all the finalists and winners. I don't usually try competitions, so it was nice to be recognised. It's also encouraging since I'm still sending out my collections to poetry publishers. 

I need to go shovel my drive and soak up the bit of sun we have today. Enjoy. 

Finding a Balance with the World

I survived the camping with the girls and my youngest son, barely. Our fave campsite has now become stupidly popular, we had a 12-man bachelor party up singing and shooting bb guns until late and a group of giggling mothers into the morning. So I didn't get much sleep. 

The next day they all cleared off and I thought we'd have a couple of quiet hours to decide whether to stay the next night when a 40-person party showed up for a bbq picnic. I need a new campsite close to a fire pit and toilet and not too far to walk from the car. I want to sit near a lake with just my kids splashing about, I want to sit by a fire in the silence of the woods. We had a lovely time cooking over the fire and swimming and just chilling, but it was just too noisy and crowded. I felt like I was crashing someone else's party just trying to cook a sausage on the communal fire pit.

There's a balance point that I always struggle with between what I need and what others need. I'm not always good at meeting both, especially with my kids, but also with my own needs and with others. I'd be happy camping alone, so I can write and do as I please. However, I went camping with my kids who have their own wishes, to a place where there are conveniences that make camping with kids easier. They loved it, having everything near and so did lots of others, so I had to share or not stay a second night. We came home. 

I have an upcoming writers' retreat with my writing group Helsinki Writers. It's also a weird balance. We want a social atmosphere, but we want to focus a bit on writing. We say we want to do writing activities and talk, but when we get there we mostly want to drink and chat. This is our third year and we're still getting the mechanics in place. It will be a good time however we work it. I will make my own time for writing and hopefully, some people will show up for my own little session. And least we're keeping our festivities in a private place, not taking over a public space.

I've been reminded on Twitter recently that coming in August is The Sealey Challenge, to read a poetry book or a chapbook every day. I have a pile of books unread that I'll give a go. There are probably not enough for one every day, but some of them are longer, so it might take me a few days to finish. I'd like to write a short review of each as well which I'll try to share on Twitter and this blog. 

Here are a few of the books I have for the challenge. I also have a few on my Kindle app. And if I have time I will also read some of the magazine issues I've fallen behind on recently. As school starts in a week and I have a new role, I know I won't be able to keep up with the Challenge every day, but if I manage to get through this pile and write a quick review, I will be happy

Sorry, realised I've read the Fiona Benson book, it's her new book Ephemeron I'm reading this time. I thought it didn't look right. 

That's another balance I'm not good at, keeping up with my poetry reading. I read a lot of fiction, I write a ton of poetry, but I struggle to read poetry. I love individual poems, but collections are hard for me to get into unless they have some strong pull. I'm not sure what it is, a theme or story going through or just really outstanding poems or what, but The Sealey Challenge is a good way to read those collections I've bought over the year, but never finished or sometimes even started due to other commitments. Even reading whole journals I've been published in can be a challenge. 

If you write poetry, do you read much of it? Do you read the magazines you're published in? Please, tell me how to balance it all. 

A Rough Spring Start and GloPoWriMo

Every year I desperately wait to be out of the Finnish winter and into spring. Every year Finnish Mother Nature slaps me in the face with my birch allergy. If you've ever been to Finland, you'll know this is a totally unfair allergy. The snow is finally gone, the sun is shining and I can't work on my allotment, my garden, go for a walk or enjoy a Vappu (May Day) picnic without suffering. I was working our annual Finnish Scottish Society ceilidh yesterday and even though I didn't drink I'm suffering because we left a lot of windows open to keep the place cool during all the cooking and dancing. So today is a good day for couch writing with cats and a quick review of my April Poetry Month GloPoWriMo - Global Poetry Writing Month.

As expected I didn't write or post every day, but I think I only missed a few days. Some days were token writing exercises as I just couldn't find a prompt to inspire me, other days I wrote a whole poem. There are bits that might be expanded into a poem, some that just aren't worth it. It was nice to have a kickstart into writing regularly again. I especially enjoyed @toddedillard's prompts as they were unexpected, sometimes surreal but always very original and fun. He has several years' worth of prompts linked there, so I think I will continue to dip into them for inspiration. 

I also used the https://www.napowrimo.net/ site and was introduced to the Finnish poet Olli Heikkonen. He's the first Finnish poet I really could connect with and I could almost understand all the Finnish. It was great to hear him read it on the Poetry International website. It was really inspiring and I've written two poems from that prompt. It also led to some interesting discussions in my writing group about the difference between moose and elk and whether I can use them interchangeably as the Finnish word is the same.

My writing group now has a home after struggling to find a venue. Before Covid, we used the Oodi library in central Helsinki, but they've never gone back to the later opening hours, so we felt a bit rushed to be out by 9pm. Global Art Point - GAP - in Helsinki has kindly agreed to let us use their meeting room on some Friday evenings. Check the Helsinki Writers Facebook page to see which days we're meeting In Real Life. It was so nice this week to catch up with people I haven't seen in ages. 

2022 Writing Review

I thought when I finished my course (I finished my course!!!) and handed in that last assignment I'd have more time to do things that had been shuffled aside these last three months and for most of 2022 really. But here I am three weeks later and I feel like I'm still struggling to get on with things. I'm unsure if it's a lack of motivation, the lack of a whip encouraging me to move forward or the fact that we're still buried under a dark and snowy winter here in Finland that's holding me back. 

It's taken me a week to even write this entry, but here it is, halfway through  January and I'm just looking at my submission and writing stats for 2022. 

34 new poems written  

84 submissions to journals or other opportunities

4 books submissions

66 rejections

4 book rejections

28 acceptances

53 poems published in 26 publications 

15 blog posts   

Acceptance rate: 32% 

Compared to 2021:

61 new poems

144 submissions to journals or other opportunities

3 book submissions

108 rejections 

5 book rejections

38 acceptances 

68 poems were published in 39 publications

21 blog posts

Acceptance rate: 26%

I submitted and wrote less, so I didn't hit my 100 rejection goal. However, my acceptance rate has jumped up again and I've had a couple of exciting projects over the year. This includes lots of audio work: my iamb poetry page, working with the Helsinki Writers to produce a poetry recording with Helsinki Open Waves and the Eat the Storms poetry podcast.

I've also had work included in Fevers of the Mind, Sunday Mornings at the River, Empty House Press, Black Nore Review, Scrawl Place, Frogmore Papers, Fly on the Wall, The Martello and Black Bough among others. Of course, my poetry collection still wasn't published, but I'm trying not to think about that. 

A few books that I've read and enjoyed in 2022: 

Karen Campbell's Paper Cup. A total surprise that I picked up in Helsinki. I knew nothing about it but saw the author had worked at the Glasgow City Council, so I was intrigued. The characters were so well-drawn and engaging, and the story was unexpected and fun. I loved the settings of Glasgow and Galloway, the use of Scots that fit so well. The story is a "stramash of memories" for the main character and me, going through Glasgow and university life around the same time I was there. Really worth reading.

I rattled through the three Laidlaw books by William McIlvanney and loved them. Crime novels with a depth of character and Glasgow sketched in such a beautifully realistic way, totally captivating. I also read Docherty which was an insightfully written family saga, but it just didn't grab me in the same way though I could see McIlvanney's deft skill in many places. 

Another fave was Merryn Glover's Of Stone and Sky based on a community in the Cairngorms. My reviews of some of these books can be seen in my Scottish Book Tour posts starting here.

I have a pile of poetry books to read, but they require more focus than I've had recently, so I hope to get back into reading them more now that my course is out of the way. 

2023 is a year of getting back into the things I love. The course was for my work. I enjoyed it, but it was more to help me move forward in my job and do better for my school kids. Writing is for me, so I hope to focus on that more. A few plans are crawling into motion, so I'll see how they pan out and keep looking for new opportunities. 

Welcome to 2023. Enjoy. 

Zineton and Scotstober 2022

This weekend feels a bit like the last hurrah. University starts soon and I know any free time I have will be focussed on that. The weather is beautifully autumnal, leaves glowing with sunlight as if it's putting all their energy into one last show. It's infusing the poems I'm trying to write. And I'm writing which hasn't happened much lately. 

This weekend is Zineton, a 48-hour challenge to create a zine. Helsinki Writers are having their second go at it. I've discovered a fun AI art site Wombo which is making it even more interesting as I really don't have any talent for visual art. So I'm writing a couple of poems for that and waiting for the other writers to send me their work. Then the rush to put everything together begins. 

One of my pieces is inspired by #scotstober, which introduces one new Scots word every day in October. I also joined in that challenge last year where I found poems or snippets of poetry that used the Word of the Day and expanded it to share a bit about the writers. Here's a link to the first of a series of blogs where I shared my Twitter posts and more information.   This year I don't think I'll have the time for that. The poem I'm writing in Scots doesn't use the words but is inspired by them. I'll maybe write a line on Twitter about the WotD when I remember. 

And to finish off, here's a link to the recording of members of Helsinki Writers (Leah Martin, Csilla Csépke, Saara Kahra and Gerry Stewart) reading their poems on the theme of Under the Surface. Thanks to the support of Helsinki Open Waves and CAISA where the poems were recorded. It was an amazing experience for the group. 

The Switch from Summer to Autumn

Summer's heat is lingering here in Finland, but autumn is coming up fast. Cooler mornings, the birch turning gold overnight, geese starting to move on in long, noisy threads. My favourite season, but it's always tinged here with the knowledge that winter won't be far behind and will last too long. I should probably get out and do something in the nice weather while it lasts, but there are never enough hours in the weekend.

Being back at work has meant I've fallen out of the habit of writing regularly. I don't have the time to write every day, so I end up spending a lot of the weekend catching up. I've sat down this weekend with no ideas and haven't produced anything, unsurprisingly. Ideas come to me easier when I spend a little time writing, if not daily, regularly. I've edited, submitted and generally sorted some things, but I miss having something new percolating in my head. I'm unfocused and tired from doing too many other things, including 4 parent-teacher conferences in one evening. Hopefully, I'll be back in the swing of writing next weekend.

This week, I've also dealt with the recording the Helsinki Writers Group is doing for Helsinki Open Waves, liaising with the technician and the 3 other poets. I can't wait to hear the final product, it sounded so cool even without embellishments, but the technician was going to try and add a soundscape behind our poems. 

We had a rough theme, Below the Surface, but we each went our own way with it. When we brought them together there were overlaps and echoes of each other's work that we hadn't planned or expected. It can be a repeated phrase or image or sound though all the poems' subjects are very different. We shared our work briefly in the writing and editing stage and I find those chats often bring a poem to fruition. What you can't quite reach alone is nurtured through sharing it with others. The group has a few poets now, after a long time of me being the only one and these collaborations are so much fun. 

I've also been recording a poem this weekend on my own for The Storms Journal. I have a poem in the first issue which is currently being launched. It's not easy to record at home when you have 3 kids around and cats who are either yowling, chasing things about or have decided mid-poem is an excellent time to purr on your lap. The free online launch is on 10 September. Join us. 

I'm getting used to recording myself, not as bothered by the sound of my own voice. Still not keen on it, but I don't cringe now unless I make a clanger of a mistake live. I haven't done a live reading or open mic in ages. Need to find one, maybe with my writing group. 

Back to Busy Catch-up

It was the first full week back to school for the students. My 6th graders learning the ropes for middle school has been a bit hectic. I still don't have a schedule, as a teaching assistant, so I'm left to my own devices mostly to decide where I should be. I'll hopefully get my schedule this week. 

The weather has been crazy hot this week, like much of Europe. Finland's not used to reaching 30C in August. Thunderstorms are promised for today, but it's still clear blue out there. Need to go water my allotment. 

I recorded three poems with Helsinki Open Waves recently as part of a project with Helsinki Writers Group.  This weekend I have been going through my takes, choosing how to put the poems together. I'm getting used to hearing myself read my work, but I'm not sure if I'm very good at it yet. I usually only need three takes to get a decent read-through, though we're lucky that the audio technician is happy to cut and paste bits together so I don't need a perfect take. What I'm still learning is how to emphasise the poem and read it with some expression that suits the words. It's strange to hear something that you put so much energy into that by the end your body was a tense mess and to realise it didn't come across the airwaves like it sounded in your head. Hopefully, he'll be able to make it sound better with a bit of tinkering. HOW still has an open call for recording slots for anyone in the Helsinki area. They've been brilliant to work with and so patient with our problems with getting 4 people times to record and a case of Covid. 

Book review: I'm still reading through my Scottish books and I picked up another Darkland Tales book, this time Rizzio by Denise Mina. I knew a bit about the story behind Mary Queen of Scotland and David Rizzio's death from a teenage obsession, but this fleshed out the tale in every way. While I didn't enjoy it as much as Hex, the previous Darkland Tale I read, I really enjoyed seeing this piece of history brought to life, hearing the layers behind the conspiracy. I look forward to the next Darkland Tale and will keep an eye out for more titles by Denise Mina. 

Still waiting for my copy of The Storms journal to cross the Baltic, but I've seen posts on Twitter that it's making its way to contributors. Can't wait to have a look. 

The Sealey Challenge isn't happening. I'm just too tired after school and dealing with my own kids. I have a pile of poetry books to get through, so will try after I finish the book I'm currently reading. 

Enjoy the late summer heat. It won't last. 

The End of 2021 Draws Nigh

The end of the year rolls near and I am just lifting my head towards my blog. It's been forgotten in the shuffle of working life and as that end-of-year-in-review feeling rolls in I have to be honest with myself about several things. 

Where I am at geographically, career-wise, with a view to my family and my energy levels means I cannot place much focus on my writing. And 2022 will be even more difficult. I'm starting my teacher training course in January while working full-time at a school and raising my kids. I'm currently fitting writing in at the weekends, but soon that will be taken over by my course. I will continue to try and do a bit of writing, but compromises will be made. 

And it hurts to think I will have to put it aside or squeeze it into the cracks. I would love to be working as a writer even part-time, but I need to focus on a career that I know will give some financial security. I'm finishing off a commission for some poetry this week and coming to the end of an editing job. I hope other small opportunities present themselves, but I will have to protect what little time I have to study and spend with my kids as much as I can.

My book will obviously not be published in 2021. I knew this was the case from early summer as nothing seemed to be moving forward, including communication. Maybe something will happen next year, but I no longer hold out much hope. My book was accepted about the time my decades-long relationship fell apart, so it felt a positive part of my renewal, a reason to look forward and celebrate my hard work. Then Covid and Brexit and Time bulldozed on through and here I am, still waiting, trying to be patient. 

It's not all negative, I have earned more money for my actual poems than ever before with a few commissions and projects I've had on my own and through the Helsinki Writers Group. My group is so uplifting and fun. I'm glad we've managed to find things we could do together and to keep things going in the uncertainty of the last two years. 

I've also had lots of work accepted. I'll do a proper numbers and thank yous post later, but here are a few that I've missed posting about. Sorry for no personal shout-outs. 

Fahmidan Journal, in their language issue.

Fevers of the Mind Poetry Showcase.

Haar, a Scottish poetry zine. 

Hecate, the 'Decay' issue, is available for digital download. 

Product, a Scottish arts journal.

The Poetry Archive, a video of my poem included in their World View exhibit.

The Wild Word, their education issue. 

morphog

Thanks to all the editors and staff who have worked hard in difficult times to get these issues out. I am in awe of their dedication and thankful to be included in their publications. 

So 2022 awaits and should be an interesting year. 

Scotstober: Poems and Writings in Scots, Days 1, 2 and 3

I studied Scottish Literature in Glasgow. I still love and try to read as much Scottish writing as possible, but I also really enjoy writing in Scots, one of Scotland's national languages. I can read most modern Scots and even some of the older versions, but I can't speak it naturally. I usually know the words to use, but it doesn't sound right when I say it, my accent is too forced, so I pepper my language with the occasional word. I asked a teacher yesterday if they were puggled and then struggled to find another word to explain what I meant. 

I do occasionally write in Scots when I feel the voice of the poem suits. I've been working on one this week, so when I noticed on Twitter yesterday the trend of #scotstober to encourage the use of Scots and one poster had added a poem in Scots that they had written I thought it was a good chance to share some of the poems I loved.

I didn't realise at first there was a list of words we're working from, so at first I just posted any Scots poem I liked, but now I'm setting myself the challenge to post writing in Scots on Twitter every day in October using the word of the day. Here is link to the 'rules'. If you want to join the challenge proper, the idea is to use a Scots word in a poem, flash fiction, a joke, anyway you can. 

But as I have a few projects on at the moment, I will just give a taster of Scots writing here. I wish I could say more about each writer and poem, but hey hoo. Dictionaries of the Scots Language is where to go if you need help understanding any words in these poems. 

@Lenniesaurus is a good feed to follow on Twitter to learn a bit about Scots. It looks like she'll also be doing her Scots Word of the Day based around the list. She's also a great wee poet herself, so check out her links to her videos. 

Day 1: First poem is by Hugh MacDiarmid one of my favourites who helped bring around the renaissance of Scottish literature and the Scots language. 

The Eemis Stane

 

I’ the how-dumb-deid o’ the cauld hairst nicht  

The warl’ like an eemis stane

Wags i’ the lift;

An’ my eerie memories fa’

Like a yowdendrift.

 

Like a yowdendrift so’s I couldna read  

The words cut oot i’ the stane

Had the fug o’ fame

An’ history’s hazelraw

No’ yirdit thaim.

Day 2: Violet Jacob, an Angus poet and novelist.

The Field by the Lirk o’ the Hill

 

Daytime an’ nicht,

Sun, wind an’ rain;

The lang, cauld licht

O’ the spring months again.

The yaird’s a’ weed,

An’ the fairm’s a’ still –

Wha’ll sow the seed

I’ the field by the lirk o’ the hill?

 

Prood maun ye lie,

Prood did ye gang;

Auld, auld am I,

But O! life’s lang!

Ghaists i’ the air,

Whaups cryin’ shrill,

An you nae mair

I’ the field by the lirk o’ the hill –

Aye, bairn, nae mair, nae mair,

I’ the field by the lirk o’ the hill!

Day 3: Word of the Day is nicht - night. I've come across this Franco-Scot poet Paul Malgrati and I love his modern take on Scots. 

Afore a Nicht Oot

luvebites o efternoons

wither unner tweed;

souches o Lapsang Souchong

sing in the storey;

tirrivees o kettle hae skived

oot o mind;

lust bakes shortbreads

ablaw the stove;

it feels like the door cuid jar an let bee bops o banter ben.

I've spent this weekend creating a zine from scratch in 48 for the Helsinki Writers Group for the Zineton event. 48 hours from getting the prompt, writing the work and designing and editing the zine. It's probably pants and I'm not sure if the PDF will even work, but hopefully something will be usable. It will hopefully be exhibited at events in Helsinki, Turku and Tampere here in Finland and online on the website. We'll even get some paper copies. Really stressful and challenging. The Group was great, getting work in on time and helping with proofing and design ideas. I can't wait to see the end result. 

Take One: Recording Poetry

Autumn has hit Finland hard. I love it in the now, but it's always the upcoming season that dampens my enthusiasm for windfall apples and cool mornings. However, we're glutting on crumble, spices, the changing colours while we have a chance. 

Yesterday, I recorded a new autumn poem with my writers group, Helsinki Writers this weekend as part of a Superwood Festival project a local university has organised. It's one of a series of poems my group is providing as audio for a forest walk. I was nervous about professionally recording. It's almost ok in my quiet house with no one watching, but reading in front of my friends and a handful of students was a bit nerve-wracking. But it's a well-paid gig, so I jumped at the chance. It was a lot of fun to work with the other writers and come up with separate poems on a similar theme that worked with each other. I'm excited to hear the final project. 

Even though it was a bit strange to hear my voice played back to me, they made it sound pretty good, even in the raw form. And the experience wasn't that scary. My poem was one of the longer ones, but I managed to get through it twice and had one small mistake early on for each of those versions, so it wasn't too bad. They managed to take one line out of one version that was said with better emphasis and put it in the other take which was better overall. So I'm happy with my end.

It was interesting to write a poem that I knew would primarily exist in audio form, to think about what I could say easily and what could be understood from sound alone rather than the words on the page. I made a lot of changes once I started to practice reading it aloud, words and phrases that became tongue-twisters next to each other, images that would be lost unless given space to breathe. Hopefully, it will work, but it's hard to know until hear the poems next to each other, cleaned up.  

My writing group is brilliant, we've been sharing our drafts, conferring on proofs, offering advice, working out running order. We're all from different backgrounds, so we had one person with more experience in performance, myself and another writer have a bit of experience in reading work (though I'm not good or comfortable with it) and some complete beginners, but we all managed to do a great job and have fun. I've been talking for ages about having a workshop on reading your work, so hopefully this will happen so we can take advantage of more chances like this. I'll hopefully be able to link to the recording once the event is over. 

Other positive notes, one of my poems is appearing in the new edition of the The North magazine. The North is one of those established magazines I've been trying for years to get into, so I was chuffed when they accepted one of my recent poems. There are so many established and new names to check out in each issue, I can't wait to dip in.  

I'm equally pleased to appear in a newer magazines like issue 2 of the new Glasgow-based magazine Wet Grain. Smaller magazines offer less well-established writers a chance to shine, so I never rule them out. I like being involved at the beginning of what may turn out to be a big name later on and to follow writers from early stages in their career, but I've been around long enough to do that. lol. 

I've also had a poem published in the university-themed anthology The Worst Best Years published by Acid Bath Publishing. Fun to remember those distant times, good and bad though it's somewhat a relief that they are over and I can write about them without the stress of living them.

I'm excited to see what else this season brings. Enjoy September in its colourful glory.